Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 905 USERS: B-
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How Do You Like Them Apples?

James and Erik get the treemail, which says that for this immunity challenge, they'll have to learn from the past. Well, there's no way Jason's winning this one, as it involves learning. He's so bad at learning from the past that he'll probably trip over a stick during the challenge and lose time picking it up and hiding it in his bag, sure that it's a hidden immunity idol. Erik says that if Jason wins today, it will be either Erik or James going home tonight, and Erik's hoping it won't be him since today is his twenty-second birthday. Erik, who wears tiny running shorts from either the women's section of Sports Authority or the year 1985 and has the same hairstyle as my female second grade teacher, says he'll need to "get ferocious" today.

The girls hug Erik happy birthday as if they really care about him. Natalie tells us "if all goes to plan," Jason will not win immunity, nor will he play his idol tonight. So not only is she hogging camera time that could be going to, like, Cirie, but she's also telling us stuff we already know. If Jason does play the idol or wins immunity, James will be the one going home. Either way, Erik will stay, as, Natalie explains: "as evil as women can be, and diabolical and cutthroat and go for the jugular as women are and just suck blood, we do want Erik to have a good birthday." Hey -- speak for yourself, lady. I'm a woman, and I'm pretty sure I've never been evil or diabolical or any of those things. And if I was, I certainly wasn't proud of it. Nor did I drag my entire gender down into the gutter with me. Now that Natalie's finally talking, I really want her to just SHUT UP. And I will suck her blood to make that happen.

Survivor

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