I'm Ruthless … And Have a Smile on My Face

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
How Do You Like Them Apples?

Probst starts things off pro-Ozzy by asking Parvati about the statement they made last week by voting off one of the biggest physical threats as well as "one of the biggest providers." Parvati says they can provide just fine for themselves, and have been for a while. Yes, Probst, it's true; more than one person on this show knows how to get coconuts and fish and crabs. Not to mention the giant feasts that come with every reward challenge. The only time when people cared about keeping the provider around was, like, the first season with Richard Hatch. Drop it already. Probst asks James if it's occurred to him that, now that they don't need providers (which James apparently is because he has a penis), he'll be going soon. James says things don't look good for him. Probst asks if it would be frustrating for James to get voted out after all he's done for these ungrateful ladies, who take and take and take but never give. I'll bet it would be less frustatrating for the ladies, as they would now be able to get a good night's sleep without James waking them up with his passive aggressive woodworking. James goes off on another apple speech, saying Parvati was "greedy" and "wanted to be in a better position." Such bitchery, wanting to win a game, the point of which is to win! How greedy of her to want to win one million dollars, especially since I'm sure James isn't here for the money at all and plans to donate any and all winnings to a deserving charity. But while James is being a huge hypocrite, he does manage to make sure the jury knows that Parvati was the person who engineered Ozzy's booting. At this, Eliza turns to stare at Ozzy, who sits up, shaking his head and muttering "bitch." Oh waaah! No one's ever been voted off of this show before, so your grievance is totally just, Ozzy. Meanwhile, Cirie sits there with no fingers pointed it at her and looks more and more appealing to the jury every day.

Probst asks Erik how it feels to have immunity. He says it sucks, and gives the necklace to James. Actually, he says it's awesome. Duh, Probst. Probst asks Jason if his social standing in the game has "truly" changed. Jason stupidly says it has while everyone else laughs at him. He just heard every guy say women were now voting them off because they were physical threats and all of the "providing" they did no longer mattered, right? Why would Jason think this doesn't apply to him? In order to give us at least some suspense, Jason stupidly adds that after being away from the tribe for two days while he was on Exile Island, he's not sure where he stands. Probst asks Natalie if it's possible to change one's status in the game so quickly. She says it most certainly is possible, somehow managing to refrain from adding "to make a sweet leather jacket out of Jason's skin," as Jason stupidly smiles. With that, they vote.

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