Survivor
I'm Ruthless … And Have a Smile on My Face

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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How Do You Like Them Apples?

Jason stupidly votes for James. James votes for Parvati, as promised, and speechifies ONCE AGAIN about apples. That's three times that we saw on camera -- who knows how many times he said this that were cut out? He must have been talking about apples for the entire three days! That's why he didn't bid on the auction -- there was nothing in it made of apples. He only ate the fruit bat soup because there was a possibility the bats had recently eaten apples. James' favorite folk hero is Johnny Appleseed, and his favorite grandmother is Granny Smith. He only uses Mac computers and he's going to quit the gravedigging business so he can become a teacher and hopefully get shiny apples from his students. WE GET IT!

During the vote, Ozzy sits in the jury with his arms folded like a little boy. I can't believe he managed not to trip Parvati as she walked by him to vote. Probst returns with the urn and asks if anyone wants to play their idol. It's more like "Did Jason stupidly fall for your brilliant plan?" Everyone looks around nervously. James doesn't understand why Jason hasn't immediately stood up to play his idol, and it shows on his face. He may also be thinking "oh shit! I voted for Parvati! I should have voted for Jason! What if I get voted out because I voted for Parvati and not Jason? Also, appleappleapple." Jason sits there, looking calm and confident. He doesn't play the idol. James closes his eyes, feeling sorry for Jason already. He knows what it feels like to not play the idol when it's entirely obvious that you should. Probst calls an end to the idol throwdown waiting period, and James's eyes bug out. He can't believe Jason didn't play the idol. Well, I can. Jason is a fucking moron.

Probst reads the votes. First vote: James. Second vote: Jason, who is not pleased but probably stupidly thinking that must be James' vote. Third vote: James. Fourth vote: Parvati. Alexis frowns; how could anyone DARE to vote against someone in the evil women alliance? Fifth vote: James. He shakes his head, sure he's going home despite Jason's incredible stupidity. But then...sixth vote: Jason. His smile fades. The seventh vote is also for Jason, and even though he's stupid, he knows this is bad news for him. Sure enough, the final vote is for Jason, and he's gone. He scrunches up his face, and you can tell that he knows what an idiot he's going to look like when this hit the airwaves. And he's right! Congratulations, Jason -- you just might be the stupidest contestant this game has ever had! Shocked, James shakes his head and laughs. The ladies grin as if they pulled something amazing off when all they really did was hand the immunity idol to the one person they didn't want to have it and then outright lie to him and make him look like the stupidest person in the world before sending him to the jury, where he will be voting on which of them gets the million dollars. And they all look like unnecessarily cruel bullies to the viewing audience as well. THIS MIGHT NOT BE SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. Probst extinguishes Jason's torch. See you later, idiot. But at least Jason took this much better than Ozzy did, and he had much more reason to be angry. Amanda reaches across to give James a playful pat, "accidentally" knocking into Alexis as she does so. Play on, player. Probst tells James to see medical about his finger (uh oh...but we'll worry about that next week) and sends everyone else away. Eliza cracks up and nudges Ozzy, who is too angry to allow himself a laugh.

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Survivor

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