I'm Ruthless … And Have a Smile on My Face

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
How Do You Like Them Apples?

The next item is yet another mystery. "This item comes with another layer," Probst says cryptically, and the bidding begins. I haven't seen James bid yet, and he doesn't do it this time, either, as the girls bid amongst themselves until Natalie, sick of winning things she can't or won't eat, goes all the way to $380. Probst lifts the cover, and at first I thought I was looking at dirt and ants and Natalie being an auction loser yet again, but no -- it's a HUGE chocolate cake. With shots on it! Natalie wants to eat it right now, but Probst tells her to hold up, as there is that second layer. He gives her a note that says she has to share the cake with three of her tribemates, and they only have sixty seconds to eat as much of it as possible. Natalie immediately picks Cirie, Alexis, and Parvati (oh snap, Amanda! But I'm sure you're totally part of their alliance), but waves her finger in their faces and says this cake comes with rules: "Seriously, don't hog the cake. I haven't had any food. I'm a little agro right now." Agro like the Agro-crag (TM Nickelodeon GUTS)! In all fairness to Natalie, she probably is hungrier than everyone else, as her mouth was apparently stitched shut over the last twenty-eight days. But now she can eat and speak! Probst generously allows her to eat the first piece before the time starts and the other girls dig in. She jumps up and down as she chews, which I'm sure the people who don't get to eat the cake really appreciate. Probst tells the girls to take the cake back to the benches so that they may be as close as possible to the losers while they eat it, and they go to town. It's gross. While James and Amanda look away and try not to hear the gorging girls' groans of pleasure, Erik straight-up offers $20 to each of them to lick their fingers. With fifteen seconds left, Probst tells them to start shoving chocolate down their throats as if they aren't already. The minute ends, and James mutters that that is just "too much chocolate" while the girls all think to themselves that yes, there is too much chocolate in Dabu and they'll be happy to get rid of some of it at the next tribal council. Meanwhile, Cirie is always thinking, and she waves her cakey fingers in Erik's face and asks him how much he was going to pay to lick them. He says $20, but she's not buying. He raises the price to $40. "Is he serious?" James asks. He is, and so is Cirie, who jumps off and offers her hand to Erik, who licks it. "That's sad," James says; "something's wrong with that boy. He really has problems, poor thing." Meanwhile, James ate fruit bat soup. Twice. I'm just saying. And with that, the auction is over. I'd say Cirie made out best food-wise (protein-filled hot dog with starchy fries and tasty dessert) while Jason made out the best game-wise if he can find the idol. Then again, even if he does, he didn't make out very well in the auction of life when they were handing out brains, so he'll probably find a way to screw it up again.

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