I'm Ruthless … And Have a Smile on My Face

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
How Do You Like Them Apples?

The girls hug Erik happy birthday as if they really care about him. Natalie tells us "if all goes to plan," Jason will not win immunity, nor will he play his idol tonight. So not only is she hogging camera time that could be going to, like, Cirie, but she's also telling us stuff we already know. If Jason does play the idol or wins immunity, James will be the one going home. Either way, Erik will stay, as, Natalie explains: "as evil as women can be, and diabolical and cutthroat and go for the jugular as women are and just suck blood, we do want Erik to have a good birthday." Hey -- speak for yourself, lady. I'm a woman, and I'm pretty sure I've never been evil or diabolical or any of those things. And if I was, I certainly wasn't proud of it. Nor did I drag my entire gender down into the gutter with me. Now that Natalie's finally talking, I really want her to just SHUT UP. And I will suck her blood to make that happen.

The contestants arrive at the challenge to some ridiculously over-dramatic music. Settle down, Survivor music people. I know you're bored with playing the Evil Women Flute song all episode, but still. That was out of control. Jason arrives and Natalie makes sure to welcome him back with a smile on her face. CUTTHROAT! Probst explains the challenge, which is a bunch of other challenges all mixed into one. Between the recycled immunity challenge and the auction, it looks like the challenge planners got this week off. First, contestants have to throw rocks at tiles to release puzzle pieces which are locked together. The first four to do so move onto digging in the sand for the key which will unlock the puzzle pieces. Players will then assemble their puzzles, which will form a wheel that they will put on a winch and spin it until two planks have been lowered onto a platform. The first two to do this will advance to the final round, where they will have to use the two planks to cross a rope bridge. Then they cross another rope bridge with disks like the one Erik leaped across until the time he missed and hit the platform, chest-first. First person on the platform wins immunity. I can't imagine why the challenge that almost killed three contestants isn't making a reappearance here. Perhaps they couldn't get enough pointy sticks to hide in the mud in time.

During the brief pre-challenge "strategy" time, Natalie drops her plan to convince Jason to let her win in favor of telling him to make sure James doesn't win, because he's the one they're voting out tonight. "Don't ask any questions," she warns, like this is some huge covert operation; "I sent you to Exile for a reason," she says, promising to tell him more when they get back to camp. Jason whispers to Natalie that once he thought about it, he knew she had a reason. Right now, Jason thinks he's the most important person in this game. He thinks this is The Matrix and he is Keanu Reeves. More like Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Bummer, dude.

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