It Hit Everyone Pretty Hard

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
So Long, My Lovelies

But anyway, Chet is snuffed, which he deserves in a few ways, and he's sent off. Interestingly, earlier this afternoon, he hobbled up and put his arms around Cirie and Amanda as if he could barely stand, and as he walks away, I can barely see a limp. It's not a great shot of him,'s interesting. (See? See? I am doing the thing! I am doing the thing where I question the necessity of your voluntary exit!)

Jeff tells them that they're down to six people and might want to start winning challenges. I hope Jeff didn't spend too much time developing that advice. I'd love to see Jeff's tribal-council advice made into a book. I mean, there have been more than two hundred tribal councils; there's enough. Page One: "I think what we've learned is that trust is really important." Page Two: "Winning is going to put you in a better position than losing." Best-seller! Oprah's Book Club! Fortune-cookie franchise!

In his parting words, Chet says he didn't go along with the plan, because "that's something they can take care of after I'm gone." Which is idiotic, because they clearly can't. So I don't know why he's saying that when that's obviously not what he was thinking, but he doesn't really want to talk about why he didn't do it. He claims to be "very proud of the way [he] played the game," and it's like...crickets are chirping, dude.'s not the medical quitting; it's the constant quitting. Every challenge, practically. I don't know. I try not to be too hard on people who are physically not equipped to be there, but what a wet rag, for real. I feel like if you cut that dude, he'd bleed watery oatmeal.

Next week: Things look bad for the fans at Malakal, and things look bad in general at Airai, still apparently at a disadvantage, camp-wise. Jeff's comment that they're struggling "to stay alive" is probably a bit of an exaggeration, however. Just a little one. Maybe. Also: Kathy looks like she's getting nuttier. Coconut phone! Barkberry! New signs of instability unique to her! Tune in next week and find out.

And with that (only partly because I cannot go on without Jonathan), the time has come for me to say goodbye to TWoP after almost seven life-altering years. To say it's been a blast would be a preposterous understatement, but when it comes to making life decisions, I defer to Kenny Rogers as far as holding 'em and folding 'em (unless we are talking about folding your face via plastic surgery, in which case, respectfully, I believe I will keep my own counsel). With that in mind, I've decided that it's time to move on and do some new things. While I'll miss all of you terribly, I'm excited about everything I hope will come next. You can find me at my new digs here, if you like, or drop me a note and keep in touch. Be good to Sara M, in whose brilliantly funny hands I leave both all of you and all the turkeys on this show. Thank you all, more than I can say, for everything.

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