Survivor
It Hit Everyone Pretty Hard

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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So Long, My Lovelies

Joe tells them that the first thing he's going to do is put out some crab bait. (And here, I will not make an incredibly, unbelievably distasteful joke about anyone on the tribe. At all.) (Out loud.) So Joe takes them into the woods, where he hammers a stake into the ground, then impales an upside-down half-coconut on the stake. "If you want to stay here long, you have to learn this," he says. Heh. About three weeks, Joe. Is that long enough? Incidentally, you know who would have thought hanging out with Joe and Edwin was the most fun he ever had? Jonathan Penner. Sigh. The group is told that they'll have to return at night to fetch the crab.

Fishing lesson! Joe catches a fish. Parvati explains to the camera how much more helpful it is to teach a man to fish, as opposed to just giving him a fish. Dude, somebody should put that on a T-shirt or something.

So it's time to visit Malakal, where Day 15 is not as much fun as Day 15 at Airai. The "favorites" -- Ozzy, Amanda, Ami, and Cirie -- are having a chat in which Amanda is whining about how the other three (Erik, Tracy, and Chet) did nothing in the challenge. Now, if you watched Tracy, you know that Tracy tried very hard in the challenge, as she does in every challenge, because Tracy is not for being screwed around with. Amanda makes the fair point that Chet doesn't do anything -- because Chet always doesn't do anything -- but then Ozzy makes the ludicrous comment that Tracy somehow should have been able to build the blockade because she's a builder. That is absolutely moronic, that comment. Why would a person who works as a commercial and residential builder know how to make a barricade out of planks and rope to keep people from going through a cage? Cirie, naturally, piles on, saying that she would certainly feel obligated to do well in an "operating-room challenge." Of course, this is not analogous to that at all. Cirie actually works in operating rooms; Tracy doesn't go out and build barricades out of planks and ropes. This is the barest of thematic similarities between the challenge and someone's work. This is more like, "You work at a shoe store; therefore, you should win this challenge where we have to build a bamboo boat shaped like a shoe." Amanda snots in an interview that the new tribe can't "work well as a team." Well, we can't all be quite as familiar with our teammates' natural rhythms as you are, Amanda.

Later, Cirie snots that Tracy is "What, 53? At least 55." Nice try, Cirie. The answer is "43." I can't even figure out what she's trying to say. That Tracy is unreasonably well preserved? That she should be better at building barricades because of her advanced age? Or is she just doing a flat-out bitchy "that lady is really OLD" routine, which Cirie is not young enough to pull off (and I know, because she and I are roughly the same age)? And then Cirie unloads this: "You know what's getting on my nerves? That not only do you have to play the game, but you have to teach them the game, too. I don't want to teach." HA HA HA! This from a woman who showed up afraid of leaves, had to be taught how to make fire on, like, Day 36, and wanted (and got) a ticker-tape parade and a cake with a stripper in it when, a month into the game, she finally caught a fish. Ami tells us that the snotty attitude the rest of the "favorites" are taking toward the "fans" is totally bugging her. She basically explains that there's nothing the newbies are doing that they didn't all do when they were new. She does Cirie the favor of not saying, "Especially Cirie, for God's sake."

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