It's Been Real, It's Been Good

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Look Back In Meh

Credits. Everyone is back -- even the pre-jury boots! They must be so happy to see themselves again. You just know Leslie is at somebody's house, like, "Look. I told you I was on Survivor." Thirty-nine days, people. One Survivor! And several exposed bosoms!

As mist blows in high speed across the Great Wall (I...don't know), we return to the first day, when everyone approached camp on a truck.

New Scene #1! Everyone climbs the one zillion stairs to the temple, carrying their suitcases on their heads in some cases. Erik points out that every time they thought they might be getting to the top of the stairs, they'd take a turn and there would just be...more stairs. I realize this was difficult, but somewhere, I imagine everyone who was on the Guatemala season -- which began with an eleven-mile trek through the jungle -- being like, "Yes, I'm sure that was a terrible half-hour for you, bitches." Chicken (remember how there was a guy named "Chicken"? Oh, so droll) yells up to everyone that it's not like there's money at the top, so they really don't need to hurry. Denise is sort of hanging back with him, and she explains in an interview that she figured there was no harm in lingering with the old, slow guy and letting the young, spry people run up if they chose to. A winning attitude! When they finally reach the top, they're sorted into men and women, and the women are told that they're not exactly appropriately attired for the temple. Ashley and Jaime are both hanging their boobs out to Jesus, so to speak, so you can sort of feel the monks here. Somewhat embarrassed, Ashley admits that the monks gave them drapes to cover themselves up, acknowledging, "I'm sure they don't get a lot of skimpy dresses in the temple." Just another reason that maybe you shouldn't wear a nipple-skimmingly small dress during any part of your Survivor experience.

So then there was the ceremony, and the part where Leslie Cuisinarted a commandment and some other stuff to come up with something the Bible kind of says if you squint, and then the tribes were split up and everyone was sent off to camp. Todd got Aaron to be the leader of Fei Long, because Aaron is a musclebound sucker, while Chicken made his tribe angry by refusing to work after they rejected his suggestions.

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