Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
Erinn Go Bragh

The red team gets all their boards back first, but black isn't far behind. Now it's time to get the boards in the correct position. Debbie contributes by saying "there's nothing!" over and over again, as if they don't already know the boards aren't all lined up. The red team sees their vowels first, and while Stephen tries to take control of the black team knowing it's their only chance at a win, Debbie's already had a brainstorm that the phrase will have something to do with a feast. Meanwhile ... "black team taking forever!" Probst says. And before they can even come close to finishing the second part of the challenge, the red team has won. I will remind you that Douche is not on the red team. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! J.T. immediately rallies to send Stephen to Exile, and if the rest of the team goes with that, they're idiots. Guess what? They send Stephen. J.T. interviews that he's figuring that there's an idol at Exile now that Brendan's gone, so Stephen getting it will ensure that Sierra does not. And that both idols are held by former JalapeƱo members. Tempura is so dumb. Probst sends the winners and Stephen away, then turns to Douche with this: "Douche, you continue to lose out on these nice rewards. All that life experience not helping you out here." I kind of love Probst right now. Douche says he didn't have to line up boards in the Amazon. Because he was too busy throwing metal balls at ceramic tiles, no doubt.

The winners head for the village, and Erinn says she was especially excited because this is her first reward. Everyone is thrilled to see all the food waiting for them, and I'm shocked to see the villagers wearing normal clothes instead of the traditional exotic ritual wear this show usually forces the villagers into. Debbie says they didn't make a great first impression since they were dirty and gross and eating food like animals, but I see one of the villagers in the background of a shot playing with himself, so it's not like the villagers were all that polite either. Debbie sees some children and uses that to inform some unfortunate villager about her occupation back home, like he gives a shit. Debbie then interviews that she misses her own children and the students in her middle school. I'll bet they don't miss her. And that they've loved the example she's set on this show so far. Debbie tells one kid he's "beautiful" and "a very handsome man." The kid has taken enough Stranger Danger classes a Toocuntiss Elementary to know that he should run away from this adult and takes off. Debbie cries about how much she misses her job and students. She's been away from them for, what, twenty-five days? She must be an absolute wreck during summer vacation.

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