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Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
Erinn Go Bragh

Sigh. Sierra talks to Douche again while he makes some beans, as his tribe has stupidly allowed him to do this again. She says she knows her number is up, but she can't just roll over and accept it, and Douche should know that because he expects more out of her. No, he doesn't, Sierra. Neither do I at this point. Your boyfriend probably is lame, just like Tyson said. DO SOMETHING. She tries to say that she never tried to hurt anyone she cared about. "Except for me!" Douche immediately says. Please say you don't care about Douche, Sierra. Please. Nope, she just tearfully begs for a second chance to prove her goodness and loyalty, as if that's something that's important to have in this game. As if that's something that Douche himself has in this game. Douche says he'd like to give Sierra a second chance, but he won't. He thinks Sierra should be "honorable" and accept her fate like a Samurai warrior would. "Death before dishonor," Douche says. I'm still trying to figure out how trying to vote Douche out is dishonorable. I'm also wondering if Douche is quoting Samurai code or Klingon warrior code. "You can't change the inevitable," Douche says, showing once again that he has a fundamental misunderstanding of what is inevitable in this game. Sierra tries to make a case for staying in the game longer than Erinn, but Douche isn't buying. "You made your bed," he says. Meanwhile, Erinn is about to make hers and it's going to screw you all over if her interviews prove true. Can't wait. Sierra says she's trying to be the "strong Sierra" that Douche "pushed up against [her]" to create. Sierra -- I don't think he was pushing up against you for any other reason than to get his jollies. "So don't get mad at me for having this conversation with you," Sierra says while hilariously overwrought Be Strong, Sierra music plays in the background. Douche interviews that as a coach, he wants to encourage and help people like Sierra along. "How do you save the kind enemy?" Sierra says, and please tell me she's only saying this stuff to appeal to Douche's faux warrior code and not because she actually believes it. Douche claims that it kills him and breaks his heart to have Sierra begging him for another chance like this, but that's bullshit because we all know that Douche freaking loves being in any kind of position of power and is getting off on this right now. Sierra interviews that she needs to win immunity.

Immunity challenge! It's raining as the tribe arrives and Probst calls Stephen in. Everyone is clearly freezing as Probst takes back the necklace from Tyson and explains the challenge. It's time for Survivor shuffleboard! Each player gets three pucks each and has to slide them across a board. Whoever's puck is closest to the X wins. But there's more! Because Probst is wet and cold, he wants to hurry things along, so he says that anyone who doesn't think he needs immunity can sit the challenge out and eat gross Survivor pizza instead. And instead of just asking who wants to sit out, he makes everyone pick a rock out of a bag and then show that rock if he wants to eat and not play. With that, Douche, J.T., and Stephen all decide to eat instead of play. They are all morons, too. Never ever think you're so safe in this game that you can just sit out a chance for immunity. Douche is the only one of the three idiots who seems proud of himself, smiling and whispering "thanks, man" to a not-very-happy-looking Tyson, who interviews that Douche gets to eat pizza while he has to win all the challenges. That's what you get for aligning with an asshole quitter, Tyson. Although I'm sure Douche would tell us that the Samurai warriors often gave up dragon slaying in order to enjoy a greasy meal, and it was the honorable thing. Look for Douche to incorporate the pizza-chew in his warrior poses next week.

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