I’ve Been Bamboozled!

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The Naked And The Figuratively Dead

Previously on Five Hundred Reasons The S.S. Minnow Never Would Have Even Made It To Shore If Rupert Had Been The First Mate Instead Of Gilligan: Rupert's failure to obtain a gravity variance in advance from the local zoning commission meant that his giant hole in the sand filled up with water at the first sign of rain. Saboga thus spent a very long night waiting to be served at the Department of Chattering Teeth. Rupert thought, in fact, that the sand hole was the worst idea of his life. Possibly even worse than his beard. Possibly even worse than the tie-dyed tank top. Chapera was comfy during the storm, however, as Amber snuggled up to the Sleazestache for warmth. A-Rob thought that B-Rob and Amber were going to "do it," and he barely restrained himself from adding "duh-huh" at the end of that prediction. At the reward challenge, Chapera emerged victorious again, taking home the bath goodies and their last rice key. At the immunity challenge, blindfolded idiots threw heavy things into each other, which was exactly the way it was all supposed to work, surprisingly enough. Nobody managed to knock Ethan on his shapely fanny, however, so it wasn't a perfect result. Chapera pulled out to an early lead, but when they struggled with puzzle assembly (damn that spatial ability!), they fell all the way to the back of the pack and headed for tribal council for the first time. A twitching A-Rob put together a supposed alliance with B-Rob, but it looked about as solid as Rupert's sand hole, in terms of providing cover. Indeed, when it came time for the boot, it went to Amazon Rob, who just never found a place in Chapera the way he once did in the Amazon. Back to the basement, baby. Fire up a round of "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" on the karaoke machine for me, would you? Oh, and...who will be voted out tonight?

Credits. I like the way all the contestants look like they're being sandblasted. Next week: Stung by bees!

We fade in on clouds flying through the sky, and there's apparently no time for general progress reports, because Chapera is already on the way to the treemail box. It's Day 13, the sloth is starting to get tired of the contestants, and Rob and Amber are holding hands. Ew. There is some happy singing on the way to the mailbox, so apparently A-Rob is not too sorely missed. When they get there, the mail tells them to build a raft. And on the raft, they will take two of each species of reality-show contestant -- two dating-show people, two gross-out show people, two warm-self-improvement people...we may have to repopulate the entire reality universe, you know. Okay, not really, it's just the raft. "I did this in Marquesas," Rob says immediately. The clue tells them that they'll need to build a raft that will seat four of them for the challenge. Sue proposes that Big Tom sit out, because he would be the heaviest one to try to carry in a racing situation. This seems to be largely agreed. Amber explains that to help with construction and testing of their raft, they were given bamboo, rope, and one paddle. So the challenge is the raft construction and then, presumably, a race.

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