Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: N/A | 1319 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Treasure Island

Pucks slide across the board. Li'l Russell gets his the closest so far, allowing Probst to praise his shuffleboard abilities. Rupert then bests him, landing almost on the X. Candice launches her puck at the board and it goes flying off the other end. Probst praises her strategy of trying to knock the red pucks off the board, saying "good idea; didn't work." Then Sandra slides a puck that doesn't land near anything and Probst criticizes her "wasted shot.' Fuck you, Probst. Sandra was probably just trying to make sure her puck didn't knock into her teammate's. Danielle manages to knock Rupert's puck away from the X, but Li'l Russell's puck is the second-closest so that doesn't help the Blue Team much. Li'l Russell slides his puck weakly towards the center. "Lame," Parvati says. Probst asks Li'l Russell if he did that on purpose, even though when Sandra's shot was similarly ineffective he said it was a wasted shot. Li'l Russell says he's just trying to put an obstacle in front of the X to make it harder for the other teams. Maybe, but his puck is seriously like one foot away from the starting place so it's not doing anything one way or the other. Jerri takes the last shot for the Black Team, but isn't able to get her puck closer to the X. Rupert goes last for red and also comes up short, but does put another red puck in the Blue Team's way. Colby gets the last shot and the game is riding on him. He manages to bounce his puck off of someone else's and land almost on top of the X to win it for the Boring Blues. All those years of bar games and frat parties finally paid off for Colby.

And now, a tour of the Robert Louis Stevenson House that you know Amanda, Danielle, and Colby are too dumb to appreciate. While the tour guide lady shows them three Stevenson first editions (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Kidnapped, and Treasure Island), Danielle orgasms over a bed and touches the white bedspread with her nasty dirty fingers while Amanda touches everything else in the house looking for the immunity idol clue, like they're going to hide it in a fucking priceless first edition. If only she opened her half-closed eyes, she might be better at finding it. The three then lie down in a bed with white sheets (soon to be burned by the Stevenson house guide lady as soon as they leave) and the movie begins. It's the 1934 version of Treasure Island (WITH LIONEL BARRYMORE, the opening credits tell us. Barrymore's name is even bigger than Stevenson's and I don't think he did much more in that movie than get drunk, walk into a bar, give a treasure map to the main character, and die. And not necessarily in that order. Clearly, Lionel Barrymore's agent > Robert Louis Stevenson's agent, who should also be ashamed of himself for associating Stevenson with this show). Anyway, you know these three idiots won't appreciate a black and white film from 1934. They would have been better off with Muppet Treasure Island. Sure enough, Amanda tells us that she barely paid attention to the film because she was looking around for an idol clue. She looks everywhere except for the tiny bowl of popcorn that the clue is clearly going to be hidden inside, because that's where they ALWAYS hide clues given out during rewards. Also, that popcorn is totally burnt. That's quite the "fuck you" from the Stevenson house guide lady. I know she did it on purpose. This is also a "fuck you" from the producers, who couldn't be bothered to give them a decent meal for their reward.

Survivor

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