Survivor

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Treasure Island

And now, a tour of the Robert Louis Stevenson House that you know Amanda, Danielle, and Colby are too dumb to appreciate. While the tour guide lady shows them three Stevenson first editions (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Kidnapped, and Treasure Island), Danielle orgasms over a bed and touches the white bedspread with her nasty dirty fingers while Amanda touches everything else in the house looking for the immunity idol clue, like they're going to hide it in a fucking priceless first edition. If only she opened her half-closed eyes, she might be better at finding it. The three then lie down in a bed with white sheets (soon to be burned by the Stevenson house guide lady as soon as they leave) and the movie begins. It's the 1934 version of Treasure Island (WITH LIONEL BARRYMORE, the opening credits tell us. Barrymore's name is even bigger than Stevenson's and I don't think he did much more in that movie than get drunk, walk into a bar, give a treasure map to the main character, and die. And not necessarily in that order. Clearly, Lionel Barrymore's agent > Robert Louis Stevenson's agent, who should also be ashamed of himself for associating Stevenson with this show). Anyway, you know these three idiots won't appreciate a black and white film from 1934. They would have been better off with Muppet Treasure Island. Sure enough, Amanda tells us that she barely paid attention to the film because she was looking around for an idol clue. She looks everywhere except for the tiny bowl of popcorn that the clue is clearly going to be hidden inside, because that's where they ALWAYS hide clues given out during rewards. Also, that popcorn is totally burnt. That's quite the "fuck you" from the Stevenson house guide lady. I know she did it on purpose. This is also a "fuck you" from the producers, who couldn't be bothered to give them a decent meal for their reward.

Danielle spots the clue in the bowl and manages to sneak it out and place it on the ground next to her side of bed with no one the wiser. Oh, wait: "what are you hiding under the bed?" Amanda asks. Danielle doesn't answer, so Amanda decides to sit down on the floor next to the bed, then asks Danielle and Colby to scoot over so she can lie down in Danielle's place. At this point, by the way, the clue was actually hidden behind Danielle's pillow and not on the floor like the editing suggested. Amanda grabs it. She couldn't find that clue when it was sitting in a shallow bowl of popcorn, but when it's stuffed behind a pillow, she is right there. Danielle threatens to grab it back from her, so Amanda runs away. Danielle chases her, and the next thing we know, they're wrestling with each other over the clue. Also, I should point out that neither of them is wearing pants. Colby continues to eat popcorn and watch the movie. This is ridiculous. Awesome, but ridiculous. Possibly one of the biggest "how did things get like this?" moments in this show's history. Danielle calls Amanda a psychopath and says she has no right to the clue that she found. "Would you give it back to me, please?" she asks. "No," Amanda says, and even she realizes how silly this is because she's laughing. "Are you serious?: Danielle asks. "It's not yours, it was in the room," Amanda claims. "I found it!" Danielle says; "you're psychotic for, like, doing what you just did. You're really psychotic." I think the word you're looking for there is "desperate," not "psychotic," Danielle. If Amanda was psychotic, she'd be sitting on the bed watching Treasure Island instead of doing everything possible to win a million dollars. Danielle appeals to Colby for help. Colby, who is in Amanda's alliance. Smart move, Danielle. "I didn't even see what happened. I was watching Treasure Island," Colby shrugs. Also, where are the producers during all of this? Isn't there some kind of rule about not attacking your fellow contestants? Danielle asks Colby to order Amanda to give the clue back to her. Amanda quite rightly points out that "this is [her] life in this game. It's not ridiculous to me." Colby issues his final ruling: Amanda's move was "out of desperation," but the clue was in Danielle's (pillow's) possession and thus should be returned to her. Amanda dutifully returns the clue to Danielle. EVERYONE IN THAT SITUATION JUST NOW WAS A FUCKING MORON. Danielle for sticking the clue behind a freaking pillow or on the floor where Amanda could take it; Colby for blowing his chance to get anywhere in this game and telling Amanda to give it back when he could have just ordered that they all read it together; and Amanda for going along with Colby's insane decision. At least Amanda admits as much in her interview.

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