Jury's Out

Episode Report Card
Joanna: A | Grade It Now!
A Loverly Bunch of Coconuts

Peachy welcomes them to the challenge and explains that the first person to get his or her kite 300 feet in the air wins. They'll know they've reached that height when a purple ribbon clears the end of their spool. Really, though, it wouldn't be 300 feet "in the air." 300 feet anywhere would be fine, I'd imagine, as long as it's not 300 feet on the ground. (We'll see the majority of the S9 attempt this method momentarily.) A deliberate shot of Zoe's armpit reveals that only those women deemed potential of reaching sex symbol status are taken aside and shaved by Mark Burnett. Peachy hopes the reward will bring smiles to their faces. He reveals that it's a Snickers bar, but he says, "Ain't no regular Snickers either, it's a big one!" As he chops it into nine little pieces he explains that it's "freshly chilled, on ice." He first feeds a piece by hand to Zoe, who bites with growly sound effects. Her resulting orgasm face is accompanied by the orgasmic soundtrack. He also feeds Vecepia, but the remaining competitors appear lucky enough to be able to feed themselves. Peachy seems particularly interested in Neleh's response. So the challenge winner will get a king-size Snickers, which he or she will eat en route to a deep-sea dive "in one of the most spectacular places on earth." The circus? Disneyland? Salt Lake City? He says the winner will have the chance to see manta rays, eels, and hammerhead sharks, and that an experienced diver will teach them everything they need to know.

They select spools and tie them to their kites. Kathy's is instantly airborne, and Zoe's -- which is god-awful ugly -- also heads northward. Neleh's kite is airborne for about three seconds, but then takes a dive. Most likely, I suspect, because it likes to be near her. Or perhaps because it was held together by chewing gum, mud, and human hair. Tammy screams at her kite, which is not, I think, the most effective way of winning its loyalty, and Sean runs down the beach with his kite just inches behind him while Peachy chides, "You're gettin' nowhere fast, buddy." Peachy also mocks the flailing Paschal and John. By this point, Vee and Tammy don't even appear to be trying, although Vecepia is lucklessly attempting the oft-successful backwards-running technique. Now Zoe's kite hits the sand, as well. Basically, there's a whole lot of flailin' goin' on throughout this segment, for everyone except Kathy. Her kite string unspools to reveal the purple ribbon, and she shriekingly wins. Peachy says she's on a "hot streak," and wants to know if she dives. She says she does, but if she didn't, would she admit it? Sean tells us to look at his kite because it, "look [sic] like the Little Rascals built it." Hee. Peachy again repeats all the glorious things that await Kathy beneath the sea, and the glorious Snickers bar that awaits her on land. Kathy gets high fives as Peachy sends the others away.

The sea is very blue. It makes me want to go there. Then Kathy appears and, not so much, now. It's still Day 23 and she stands in the boat alongside the driver and the dive instructor. Kathy tells us that the seas are "crazy" and "squirrelly," and that when you hit a big swell, "it just comes slamming down." She says that it was a lot of fun, but she doesn't sound like she thought it was fun, and admits to some apprehension. She puts on her wet suit and gets coached to relax, which just might be impossible, because Kathy, I imagine, can't relax on her Burlington, Vermont sofa, better yet on the game of Survivor. She is patiently taught the symbols for "okay" and "not good," then she adds a symbol of her own, which kind of looks like someone claiming, "It was that big," but instead is supposed to express that she's "really scared." She tells us that the crew had everything ready to go and was very informative so she felt confident. She says she told herself, "Just keep going, Kathy." I love it when people talk to themselves and feel the need to say their own name in the process. Actually, I don't quite love that, but I do find it amusing, though not in a good way. Kathy and the red-haired dive instructor clutch at each other while they back flip off the boat. Actually, just Kathy does the clutching, and to her credit the other woman does not start swatting and say, "Get your hands off of me!"

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