After the commercials, it's time to check in on Survivor's very own spinoff series, The Adventures of Tarzan Poopypants. This week, it's been very stormy on ol' Survivor Beach and the other survivors are scrambling to make sure their shelter keeps them safe from the elements. But not Tarzan! Instead, Tarzan starts removing bamboo that is leaning on the shelter and begins chopping it for firewood. This despite, as Chelsea points out, the fact that they have plenty of firewood already chopped. Why does Tarzan do this? I dunno, why does ALF eat cats? He just does! Now shut up and find him addled and hilarious! Chelsea, still reeling from last week's trip to Skid Row and no longer inclined to give Tarzan the benefit of the doubt, questions his foray into literal slash-and-burn, which earns her a short-tempered, unpleasant response. He's all "do you think I'm that stupid?" about it, which clearly she does and the whole time he's still holding the machete and waving it all around. I don't think he intends to be threatening, but the point with Tarzan is that it's often so hard to know exactly what it is he intends, because he's always going off half-cocked.
Oh, but THEN! The best part. So Tarzan interviews that Chelsea has been "subliminally harassing" him and that he feels "unfairly maligned" (I don't think these are big, advanced-vocab words, but just in case Jeff Probst ends up reading this, I put them in scare quotes). And he thinks he knows why! So he pulls Chelsea aside and levels with her -- he knows she's dissatisfied with the boob job she got and that has consequently made her hate all plastic surgeons, such as Tarzan. Who is a plastic surgeon. This is not news, of course, but it flips me out every time I hear it. Poor Dr. Will on Big Brother worked so hard to establish the image of plastic surgeons as vain, handsome and almost sociopathically self-obsessed and Tarzan's just tearing all that work apart. Chelsea is, as you might imagine, speechless at this assertion and to her credit, she doesn't make a huge fight about it; she just kind of shakes her head and tells him how incredibly off-base he is and then walks away. Clearly, Chelsea would be fine with getting rid of Tarzan sooner than later. But she knows that, rationally, he's not a high-priority target at this stage of the game. Super bummer.
Meanwhile, Kim gets to the work of convincing Troyzan to vote against Mike. Now, given the earlier segment where Troy seemed awfully wary of the women rising up as one and getting rid of Mike, you might think this would be a hard sell. Nope! Kim barely gets through her bald-faced lie about how Mike has been going around the tribe talking about getting rid of him before Troyzan is beating the drum for getting rid of Mike. "I hate that guy," Troyzan suddenly decides. Then Kim's like, "But don't say anything about it, okay?" I mean, props to Kim in general for going with the Big Lie strategy, but it's hard not to think Troy's being a credulous dummy right here, as he interviews about what a terrible person Mike suddenly is and how he "should've been gone on Day 1."