Just Annihilate Them

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | Grade It Now!
Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor

At the immunity challenge, the survivors have to race down a ladder bridge while guiding bags of puzzle pieces (this show LOVES it some bags of puzzle pieces; Mark Burnett ended up in the pocket of Big Puzzle so gradually we barely even noticed) along a rope. The first four to make it to the end of the bridge with their puzzle pieces get to advance to the second round, wherein the puzzles will be solved and nothing will be the same again. The usual suspects (Jay, Troyzan, Mike, Kim, Chelsea) get out to an early lead. Jay gets to the end first, followed by Kim. Mike's super-close, but he's gotten hung up on one of the bags, which does not go unnoticed by Jeff, who likes nothing more than to call out failure while the challenge is still in progress. I dearly hope one day Jeff Probst has to walk through life with someone screaming into his ear about everything he's doing wrong. ("That flossing motion is NOT GETTING IT DONE!") Troy's stuck too, but he finally makes it to the finish line. Mike's not so lucky, as he's ultimately taken over for the fourth and final slot by Alicia. ALICIA! Might as well just pack it in now.

In the second stage of the competition... well, it's a puzzle. YOU try recapping four people doing puzzles. I mean... it's a 3D puzzle... that's supposed to end up looking like a cube... and you can think you've got it totally figured out until the very last piece doesn't fit. And it looks like the whole thing takes forever. That's really all there is to say. So instead, let's discuss Jay's tank top. A friend mentioned to me the other day how the teeny little spaghetti straps really make him look even more muscular than he already is. Also, dingy-salmon is so in this season. Looking sharp, Jay! Anyway, Kim is the first person to seem like she's got it solved, but her last piece sticks out of the top of the cube like a beacon of failure. Meanwhile, Jay is going really slowly and lagging waaaaaay behind the group. But as Kim and Troy and Alicia get thwarted by those last few stubborn pieces, Jay creeps closer and closer and before you know it, Jay wins. The show/Jay tries to sell it as a "slow and steady wins the race" kind of thing, which I'm not sure I totally buy but fine! Well planned, Model Jay! Enjoy your immunity!

After the break, Jay narrates that given Jonas's ouster last week, it's only fair they vote out Christina this week, basically as a gesture of good faith by the Salani women. Of course, Jay has no idea that the Salani women are planning to jump ship. Kim solidifies with Troyzan that they're voting for Mike, then interviews that her one concern at the moment is Jay. She's not at all certain how he'll react to the news that Mike is the next target. She doesn't need him figuring out her plans or queering the deal with Troy. So pretty much the last thing Kim needs to happen is what happens next. Chelsea and Jay are in the shelter with Alicia and Christina and Chelsea asks Jay what he thinks about getting rid of Mike. Jay says frankly that he's scared of all these girls; what's to say he's not the target after Mike goes? Chelsea does the world's worst job of assuaging, monotoning, "That's not necessarily true." Jay gives lie to the prevailing stereotype of boys with chiseled facial features and a killer pout being dumb when he correctly intuits that "not necessarily" is not the most ringing of endorsements. Chelsea clams up after this, and the other two women dare not speak, which leaves Jay to do a lot of assuming. He recaps the situation in an interview, noting that the fact that Chelsea said this in front of Alicia and Christina -- two members of the supposed opposite alliance -- makes him wonder about how tight Salani is right now.

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