Survivor
Just Annihilate Them

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Joe R: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor

Tribal Council. Juror #1 Jonas gets a big smile from Jay, whose face is gleaming almost as much as the giant hubcap hanging around his neck. Yet another rainy council, so Jeff Probst has to ask smug, loaded questions while looking progressively dewier. He starts off by asking who among the eleven thinks they are the one going home tonight. Nobody raises their hand, which Jeff finds absolutely fascinating and proceeds to harp on it for the rest of TC. Is it really that shocking that no one raised their hand? The way the game is played, you're not supposed to know if you're the next to be eliminated. Sure, it happens that the writing is that clearly on the wall, but more often than not, the smart play is to mislead the intended victim. It's happened literally dozens of times. Yet Jeff remains transfixed by the notion of a "blindside." Please God don't ever let Jeff play Old Maid because you just never know when that ol' bitch is going to show up and Jeff might never recover from such a shocker. He then uses his inside information about the goings on at camp to "intuit" that this means there are a lot of alliances back at camp and that everyone feels secure in them. Jeff then decides to essentially poll the tribe one by one to ask if they think they're in danger. They all would be very surprised to be voted out, including Mike, which is really the sound-bite this whole endeavor was designed to produce.

Jeff's still having trouble wrapping his head around the concept of misdirection, so Kim breaks it down for him: the reason nobody seems worried is that certain people currently have faith in an alliance that's not really an alliance anymore. She chooses her words very carefully so that both Troy/Jay and Christina/Alicia will hear confirmation that Kim's aligned with them: "We all did have our first alliances, but then we had time to develop new relationships. I think you always have to keep your options open and then know when to stick with a plan." Of course, Jeff has to call her out for giving a "carefully worded" answer, because at some point Jeff decided his role at tribal council was to affect change and blow up people's spots. Anyway, Chelsea follows up with a response that is as clumsy and ham-handed as Kim's was delicate and clever: "I think in a way you want to be aligned with more than two groups. Maybe you want to be aligned with three groups and just see which has more trust." Now, seriously, what the shit is that? Chelsea just straight up told everybody that she is working multiple alliances and that she's even now undecided as to which one she trusts more. On top of that, does Chelsea even HAVE three alliances? Why would you call yourself out for having more alliances than you do?? If you're wondering why I'm all over calling Kim a master strategist this week, it's partly because we're realizing that the other members of her alliance (save Sabrina, who seems pretty on-point) are clearly not the brains behind the operation.

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Survivor

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