Welcome to a new season of Survivor, this time in Toucancheens, the highlands of Brazil. We've got two tribes of eight contestants each: the red Jalapeño tribe and the black Tempura tribe. Upon de-trucking, Probst forces them to vote out one member of their tribes based on first impressions, and Jalapeno kicks out Sandy the bus driver because she's old and Tempura takes out Sierra the blonde because she looks frail. Which she is, since she's still recovering from strep throat. Sandy and Sierra are very upset indeed until Probst tells them that the only thing they've been voted out of is the four-hour hike to camp. They take a helicopter instead while their tribemates hoof it and grow resentful. At the campsite, Sierra rejects a hidden immunity idol in order to set up camp and win over the people who tried to vote her out, while Sandy decides to look for the idol since there's nothing she can do to change her new tribe's mind about her anyway. In the end, she can't find it because she doesn't know what a "pace" or a "lone palm tree" mean and her efforts to search for it make her appear even more antisocial. At the immunity challenge, though, she proves her worth even though the Jalapeños end up losing because they suck at mazes. It looks like Sandy's a sure bet to get voted out for real, but then a flaky bartender named Carolina opens her mouth and bosses everyone around. Then Taj, the woman from SWV (I am so rooting for her. SWV rules!) warns her to shut up, but it's too late and she's voted out unanimously and much to her (and Sandy's) surprise. And Tempura doesn't do too much this episode except be kooky (naked Mormon Tyson), douchey (a guy who isn't Craig T. Nelson but calls himself Coach and has a silly ponytail), or boring (everyone else). Let's hope things get better from here, since they can't get too much worse.
Probst introduces us to Brazil with a montage of soccer, women's crotches, and cityscapes the imply a bustling nightlife. Then we're off to Tocantins, which has none of those things. A truck drives our sixteen new contestants and Probst to what Probst promises is yet another unforgiving place to set up camp. It's really hot and contestants could be swallowed up in a random wildfire at any moment. And, of course, there are tons of wild animals that the contestants won't encounter but that we'll see repeated shots of throughout the season. Mostly birds and alligators. After the disaster last season that was letting tribes pick themselves, the producers have wisely pre-divided contestants into tribes whose names I can't spell. They've also been made to dress in clothing that matches their tribe colors, which is kind of unfair to the black tribe since black clothing attracts heat. It's also pretty lame and reminds me of the Power Rangers. And it's not going to make any sense by the fourth episode when the tribes are switched or even the second episode when everyone's clothing has turned a uniform shade of mud brown.
Anyway, Probst claims that first impressions are already being made, and we get our first interview from Erinn the hairstylist, who already loves the "tall, spiky-haired" guy because "he just seems like a good guy." I'm sure the fact that he's young and hot has nothing to do with that. And what does the tall, spiky-haired guy think? Well, he's a professional cyclist named Tyson, and he thinks Erinn seems like "the bitch." Ha! I think I like Tyson, too. Over on the red tribe, corporate consultant Stephen is happy to see a "strung-out old lady" on his tribe because it means she'll be the first person voted out instead of him. Um ... does the name Scout Cloud Lee mean anything to you, Stephen? Come to think of it, has an "old lady" been voted out of this show first since "Souna" in the first season? Maybe Wanda in Season 10, if that even counts? Anyway, the strung-out old lady is a bus driver named Sandy, and she thinks Stephen is "like a geek." Sandy looks hard-core. I wouldn't fuck with her. Sierra the model complains that she's sick with bad tonsils but is trying to hide it so no one votes her out because of it. A soccer coach who calls himself "Coach" and is therefore a "Douche" predicts that Sierra will crumble. Meanwhile, he has a ponytail. Probst returns to give his standard speech about these people being from different walks of life and having to adapt and there will be only one Survivor.