Survivor
Like a Wide-Eyed Kid in a Candy Store

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Erik and Ozzy, Sittin' In a Tree

Well, it appears that I'll be your recapper from here on out, so let's get to it! The next morning at Malakal, Tracy and Ami complain that the chickens aren't laying eggs and think they'd be better off roasting over an open fire. Ozzy childishly disagrees, then tells us that the chickens lay eggs every day and thus are a "renewable resource." "You want to take out a renewable resource? That makes no sense!" he cries. And yet, how many renewable resources has he voted out? And are the chickens even laying eggs? Cause Tracy and Ami just said they aren't. I don't know who to trust! I'm going to go with Tracy, because she points out that Ozzy's just waiting to kill the chickens when there are less people in the tribe to have to share them with. I'm going to laugh my ass off if Malakal ends up on the Airai beach for the merge and have to leave those three live, egg-hoarding chickens behind. Ozzy tells us that Tracy is trying to breed insecurity to save her own ass. "We don't need that," Ozzy says. I think he means "I don't need that." Because Tracy probably does. Well, what she really needs is an alliance with people who don't cry and quit, but it's too late for that. Tracy tells us that Ozzy catches and cooks the food and tells the tribe when they can eat. "Ozzy is gonna win this thing if we don't get him out of this game," Tracy says. Well, yes. That's how you win Survivor -- you don't get voted out. I guess Tracy really is a true "Fan."

It's raining over at Airai (although for some reason, it wasn't raining at Malakal...weird) and the contestants are stuck in a cave bitching and moaning. Except for James, who bitches and moans about their bitching and moaning. At least they're dry in the cave, he says. True, but the girls feel dirty and think the cave smells bad. Kathy and Alexis venture outside, and Kathy says "this is just the stupidest thing I ever did in my life," while Alexis repeatedly asks her if her face is dirty. Kathy is too busy thinking about Kathy to answer her, instead demanding a hug because she's "not a morning person." Whereas the rest of her tribe is up with the sun, singing and dancing the morning away, I'm sure. One of the girls begs the gods for some sunshine. I have to confess, I can't really tell any of the women on this tribe apart anymore. Except for Eliza, and that's only because she's the one winning all the challenges for them. Kathy tells us she misses her home, specifically, her "washer and dryer," "food," "daughter" and "husband." Probably in that order. She attempts to I Dream of Jeannie head-bob herself back home. Shockingly, it doesn't work and we cut away before we have to see her click her heels three times, wake up in her bed, and tell her washing machine that he was there, and her dryer that he was there, too.

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Survivor

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