Survivor
Like a Wide-Eyed Kid in a Candy Store

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Erik and Ozzy, Sittin' In a Tree

Back at Malakal, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. How can two beaches have such different weather? Could it be...GLOBAL WARMING??? Erik watches Ozzy climb a tree and get coconuts while fun calypso music plays. Erik tells us that his man-crush on Ozzy has developed considerably, and he is now amazed by his every move. "I wanna learn, I wanna grow. I wanna go outside the small scope that I've lived in," he says. Are you sure you don't mean "scoop," Erik the Ice Cream Scooper? Erik then completely contradicts what he just said about how amazing Ozzy is by saying that everyone else thinks Ozzy is incredible but Erik is sure he can climb a palm tree, too. And he does while Ozzy watches and gives him lessons. Cirie says Ozzy and Erik are like Mufasa and Simba from The Lion King, which would explain the music we're getting in this segment. And while Erik certainly looks like a lion, does that make Cirie, Amanda, and Ami the hyenas? And Tracy as Scar? Cirie says that when Erik says Ozzy's name, it's like stardust comes out of his mouth. Erik manages to drop some coconuts on the beach while Ami and Cirie watch and make fun of their male bonding. "You got good nuts now!" Ozzy says. Heh heh heh, "nuts." Cirie concludes that if Ozzy proposed to Erik right now, it would be a "done deal." Except that Micronesia, like almost everywhere else in the world, doesn't allow same sex marriage.

King Ozzy proposes moving the fishing boat to the other side of the island, saying the fishing there is better. For some strange reason, Cirie was asked to help row the boat with Ozzy, Erik, and Amanda even though she's not a very good swimmer and therefore not comfortable in the water. Okay, come on now. I like you, Cirie, but how the hell can you justify going on Survivor not once, but TWICE, without taking a goddamn swimming lesson? Nine times out of ten, this show is on an ISLAND, with swimming competitions and everything! There is no excuse for this. When the boat gets pretty far out into the water, Ozzy decides to stop rowing and start fishing, despite Cirie's nervousness. "Nothing's gonna happen," Ozzy tells her condescendingly. He says he might find a "giant clam" that will feed them for the next two weeks. Hmm...maybe the first day or so, but by day four, I wouldn't want to touch that clam. Gross. Cirie says Ozzy only cares about himself. "It won't happen again," she warns. Hakuna Matata.

And then there's another reward challenge, so Cirie's threat may every well come true sooner than even she thinks, as these reward challenges are kind of deadly. No one on Airai is surprised to see Chet gone, and Probst explains the challenge: the teams will roll a large Micronesian money stone around a course, running over tile boxes containing eight much smaller money stones. The rollers will be blindfolded and lead around by two seeing teammates. Once all eight money stones have been collected, three members of each team will have to fit them on a "rotating cog puzzle." Probst goes all poetic with the reward, telling everyone to close their eyes and pretend they're under a refreshing waterfall. Unbelievably, everyone closes his/her eyes. Maybe they think if they do what they're told, they'll get a special bonus reward. They don't. Probst continues that they'll get to wash their hair with the help of HERBAL ESSENCES shampoo and conditioner, which doesn't do James much good. But there are also snacks, so that's nice. Everyone agrees it's worth playing for, with Kathy especially emphatic in her response. Almost...insanely so. Natalie will sit the challenge out, and leading the team for Malakal will be Cirie and Tracy. Eliza and Kathy will be doing the honors for Airai. Cirie starts off on the wrong foot by forgetting that her left is the opposite of her teams' and leading them in the wrong direction. Tracy steps up and fixes the mistake, and Malakal gets their first tile box crushed and takes the lead. Malakal somehow keeps the lead despite Cirie's continued inability to tell her right from her left. Maybe it's because she's so loud and screamy while Eliza is cool, calm, and collected. Airai misses their third tile box and falls further behind. Jason whines about something, earning him a "shut up and listen" from James. Ha ha!

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

Survivor

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP