We open with Probst asking Kim how she did it, besides winning four Immunity Challenges. Kim says that she tried to make personal connections with each person, and we learn that everyone on the jury except Troy and Leif voted for her.
Probst moves right to the guys giving up Immunity (although he asks Matt about it, and Matt had already been voted out). So he redirects to Mike, who says it was a bad idea. Thanks, Mike. Jonas says that his biggest mistake was not making big moves and trying to fly under the radar. That was definitely what this season lacked and why many thought it was boring; there were very few big moves. Even the blindsides were boring.
Then comes the Colton segment. Seeing Colton kind of makes me believe in karma, because dude got faaaaaat. Like not just the usual post-island return to regular weight. He's fat. He avoids the question and denies being racist (not very convincingly, if you ask me). It's like someone told him that the things he said were bad, but he doesn't really believe that they were, but he knows he needs to pretend that he does. Then they make Colton's mom stand up and apologize for his behavior, bless her heart. And then Mayim Bialik stands up? And says that she wanted to see Colton get what was coming to him, and she'd like to see him play again. Stuff it, Blossom. And then some other guy stands up and says that he loves to hate Colton. Shut it, audience member. Also, when did Probst turn into Phil Donahue? Practicing for his upcoming talk show? And then Colton finally apologizes. Bleh.
Then Probst talks to Tarzan and it's a waste of time as usual. There is mention of his sex life with his wife. No, thank you.
Kat is still crazy. Alicia apologizes for crossing the line and offending her special needs students and their parents and everyone else who listened to her talk ever.
For Fan Favorite, it comes down to Kim, Chelsea, Tarzan, and Troy. Really? Troy? And then Probst narrows it down to Kim or Troy, and Kim wins. She seems shocked. Well, come on. She seemed decent and clear-headed and she didn't talk shit about people in confessionals. That's all the audience wants.
Probst tells Troy that people "on the street" liked him. What street? That street should be shut down. Troy says that everyone thinks he played the game the best of anyone ever. Ugh. Leif felt like a representative for little people, but he was happy to inspire people. Monica loves her husband. Bill feels that comedy is a real job and he works hard at it, and he's also dressed like Ducky from the prom scene in Pretty in Pink. Christina whatever.
Next season will be in the Phillippines, and will feature three castaways who were airlifted out of previous seasons. If you really want to know who the veterans are, Google it. The information is out there. I don't know why CBS tries to keep it a secret.
I'm normally not a fan of reunion shows, because Probst never asks the questions I want to hear answered or talks to the people that I want to hear talk and then someone awful wins Fan Favorite and it makes me depressed about the state of the union. But I will set all that aside and try to tell you what happened and how some people are still made of garbage, if applicable.
So once Kim is announced as the winner, she hugs her family and then after a break to let her hug them some more, we get to see a clip package of Kim's Greatest Hits. Remember when Kim had an Idol in her crotch? I kind of loved her for using the word crotch on national television. I want to bring that word back as a unisex insult. Like, "Joe, don't be such a crotch." It's kind of like "bitch" but it could be a dude or a lady so it's not sexist. Anyway, enough about me and my linguistic crusades. Remember when Kim won peanut butter and took a shower during the auction? Remember when everyone said they would trust Kim with their lives? Remember when Kim won four individual Immunity Challenges including the last crucial one?
Probst opens the reunion segment by reminding us that Kim dominated the latter half of the game physically by winning all those immunity challenges. He says that she joins Jenna and Kelly Wigglesworth as being first to win four individual immunities, but I guess he's only counting women because there are a bunch of dudes who won four or more in their seasons. Anyway, Probst isn't here to talk about how Kim is a challenge monster because she's not a dude and he only likes it when dudes physically dominate. He's here to talk about how she won the game through methods. Kim says that her biggest move was getting to know each person individually, because she couldn't win all the challenges and make it to the finals and then no one would have voted for her to win if they didn't like her as a person. So many people (RUSSELL) forget that.
Probst asks who voted for Kim and all of the jury members except Troy and Leif raise their hands. Probst starts to ask Troy why he voted for Kim and realizes that he didn't, so he switches to Jay asking him if he agrees that Kim made connections with people. Jay agrees that they all trusted Kim and bought what she was selling. Everyone laughs, because she sold all of them something all right. Probst thinks her biggest move was getting the guys to vote other guys out and adds that people on the street were asking him what the guys were doing. Probst loves three things in a reunion above all else: talking about what people on the street are saying, taking informal straw polls about who jury members would have voted for in alternate realities and metaphorically fellating strong male players.