Then we have to extend the segment even more as Probst goes to talk to Colton's mom. Once he finds her in the audience, she says that she wants to tell Colton that's not how he was raised and she's not proud of the things he said. She thinks he was trying to play a game and he hurt a lot of people. And then SHE apologizes for anyone that he offended, which he should have done in the first place and then Colton makes those stupid Taylor Swift fucking heart hands, like OF COURSE HE DOES. Ugh. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! Before she sits down, his mom says that she does love him and she's proud of him living his dream, but he needs to remember that people have feelings and the money's not worth it in the end. She seems like a nice lady. How did she produce Colton? Maybe his dad's a dick. Or his housekeeper. Then Probst tries to get her to say that they are obviously accepting because they accepted Colton being gay, but his mom says that not everyone in the family accepted him immediately.
Hey, who else can we talk to in the audience? How about Mayam Bialik? She's a huge fan of the show and she thinks Colton is complex and fabulous but she also wanted to see Colton stick around to see him get his just desserts. Well, I would have enjoyed that. Mayim thinks he should play again. Sit down, Blossom and go sleep with your kids in your bed until they are fourteen. Some random guy in the audience says that he doesn't hate Colton, he hates the character and compares him to Russell. People in the audience disagree. Hey, I hate both of them! Why not bring up someone like Boston Rob, who is hated and loved by many. He's a "love to hate" guy that some people came around to "love" and some people still "hate." The one thing that makes me so mad about this show is their reliance on people like fucking Rupert or Coach or Ozzy or Russell because they think that we the audience love those guys. Colton's final statement is that he's sorry for those he hurt and offended and he loves everybody, even Christina. Christina the doormat blows him kisses because you can kick her in the stomach and she will apologize to you.
Also, Colton got fat. So that happened.
Now it's time to talk about Tarzan. He was gross. He may have had poop stains in his underwear. He wore Kat's panties on his head. And yet, his wife loves him a lot. Probst starts out by asking him how he got the name Tarzan. He says that he "inherited" it, which doesn't mean what he's saying it means. He didn't get it from someone else named Tarzan. Probst wants to know if Tarzan is really a plastic surgeon and Tarzan is all weird as usual and says that he is but he was acting on the show. Ugh, he just makes me tired. Probst refers to his "love affair" with his wife and Tarzan objects to the word "affair" like he's an expert in using words that have exact meanings for the situation or something. Then Probst talks to Tarzan's wife and I don't know if she has implants, but she's got some giant knockers. Also, her hair is really inappropriate for her age. Turns out she's almost as weird and annoying as Tarzan. They're in love and they've been together for thirty years. I don't know why everyone's acting like thirty years is the greatest accomplishment known to the human race. Good Lord. And then they make a sex joke and I'm done.