Long Hard Days

Episode Report Card
Glark: D | Grade It Now!
Ship Of Fools

Jim then declares that "nothing has been happening in the news." Uh. In a month? Okay. Susan grills him about the stock market, the war in Chechnya, who won the college basketball playoffs, and Jim proves himself utterly ignorant on all counts. That's exactly what I would be like in the same situation. I'd be able to talk about whatever was in the most recent issue of Entertainment Weekly, and that's about it.

Sean orders everyone to come bid his father farewell, and as they're all shaking his hand, he announces that he has something for each Survivor -- a care package from home, over which they each exclaim. Triscuits, Sun-Maid Raisins, and Pepperidge Farm cookies are all enjoyed by the Survivors; Colleen is also pictured leafing through a big fat fashion magazine. She tells her interviewer that the gifts from home made her feel that she could "do this for six more days" though she admits she is "on a sugar high right now." She's shown skipping over the beach to give Jim a big hug and thank him for her package, after which Susan follows suit. Okay, whatever, get going, Jim, god! And then he does.

Richard reads a sheaf of papers, which is apparently an email a female friend of his had written to her husband. Wuzzuh? Not an original letter addressed to, oh, say, RICHARD? On the other hand, it is Richard. Richard claims that the email "has [his] brain engaged and rejuvenated" and that he can last the next six or seven days. Reading other people's mail will do that to you.

So the immunity challenge is a test of balance. The six remaining Survivors will start out standing on five two-by-fours, which are tied together and resting on two sawhorses, out in the middle of the water. Periodically, Jeff will remove one plank at a time. The last Survivor standing wins immunity. The only rule is that they can't touch one another, though taunting is allowed. They all climb up and stand in a row.

Then they stand for a while. I hope y'all who watched this episode were sitting down, because it was a barn-burner. After fifteen minutes, Jeff cuts the string so that three planks remain. I guess there was a part they didn't show.

After an hour and a half, everyone's still standing. As Jeff wades out to remove another plank, Richard has apparently started a round of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." Colleen joins him, psychotically screaming the words straight at Jeff. The plank is removed, and no one falls. Richard continues singing alone. Rudy "falls" (though he makes a dive of it). In the water, Jeff asks whether Rudy jumped, and Rudy claims he fell; Richard yells that Rudy couldn't take anymore. Not shown: Rudy trying to drown himself and getting resuscitated by Jeff. Richard continues singing ever more annoyingly, and when he gesticulates a little too wildly, he loses his footing and falls in. As Nelson would say, "HA-ha!" Richard apologizes for leaving the rest without his music, and heads for shore.

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