Survivor
Long Hard Days

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Ship Of Fools

"It seems like Kelly might be flip-flopping and planning strategies at our expense," says Richard, "and that just ticks Sue off to no end." What doesn't tick Sue off to no end? She's a walking bag of piss and vinegar. I guess that bag would have to have some sort of bag feet because it needs to walk around. Maybe it's not so much a bag as really baggy pants filled with piss and vinegar. Okay, so Susan is a person who wears big metaphorical pants filled with piss and vinegar. But I guess that was obvious. Is this the same Susan who was all weepy-poo last week about finding a new friend on the island in Kelly? If Survivor had a better budget, maybe Mark Burnett could throw in some computer-generated tears; they would have seem more real than the ones Susan mustered.

Susan says, "Kelly's trying to staying [sic] in the alliance at this time but she's trying to make herself look good to the other team in case it comes down to the end and she's gonna be one of the last who's standin', then she'll be, 'Oh I didn't align with them, I didn't align with them,' and this time we're like, 'No, baby doll, you'll [sic] not gonna look good." We cut to Kelly who says, "Uh uh!" and Sue goes, "Yuh huh" and then Kelly says, "Uh uh!" but Susan retorts, "Unlikely," to which Kelly opines, "Likely," which is immediately followed by Sue's saying, "You're going down," and then Kelly says, "No way," and Sue goes, "Way," and Kelly shakes her head while Sue nods. Kelly then kicks Sue in the pants, and she explodes in a shower of piss and vinegar.

Okay, actually we cut to Kelly and her boxer's nose as she spouts off about not giving a rat's ass about what anybody thinks. I think she has a boxer's nose...but apparently she couldn't give a rat's ass what I think. Colleen gets smug describing the perceived breakdown of the Tagi alliance, as Richard grabs Susan by the shoulders and spins her around. Who knows what this actually was about? There's no audio, so for all we know, Richard was telling Susan, "You simply must give Dijon mustard a chance! Maybe start off with that French's Dijon that's wimped down for 'American tastes.'" Having seen Richard's mustard conviction, Susan promises to give Dijon a chance but hides her dark secret: She only uses ketchup.

Is that Sean I see swimming backwards? I think it is, 'cause I hear a lot of backpedaling: "It comes [sic] the point where we have to turncoat a little bit, be a little most strategic, a little more self-preservative. It's a serious contest; there's a lot of money at stake, and I better start treating it more seriously." While all of Sean's English teachers collectively roll over in their graves, Jenna pokes a voodoo doll's erect nipples with hot skewers.

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Survivor

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