Long Hard Days

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Glark: D | Grade It Now!
Ship Of Fools

The yacht looks like a pretty sweet ride. As cheery steel-drums play, Sean eats, drinks, subjected to forced socializing with Jeff. The reward challenge is a harsh mistress.

And speaking of harsh mistresses, it seems that Kelly is now in a tribe of one, identified as Resenta. In the creepy infra-red light of post-sundown filming, Kelly whines, "Sean is probably eating lots of food." Colleen non-sequiturs, "I wonder if he got pizza." Rudy scratches his head and looks around the beach for a sharp stick with which to rupture his own eardrums. Kelly bitches, "You know, we're all hungry and tired and dirty and bored."

On the yacht, Sean is bathed in artificial light, and with each morsel he pops in his mouth, a drumbeat sounds, as if he were taking each bite out of Kelly's own coconut bowl.

On the beach, Kelly muses, "He'll probably shave. And bathe." No, I think he'll just skip it. But lest we think that, the producers show us a shot of Sean shaving. And bathing. Kelly also wonders whether Sean's brain and body will continue to co-operate and maintain his involuntary eye blinking, blood flow and breathing.

Kelly supposes that he'll also get a massage. Richard is somehow privy to the knowledge that Sean may have never had a massage in his life. Richard also uses the force to deduce that Sean's house was done without the aid of an interior designer. Go figure.

On the yacht, Sean stretches out on his bed while a sixteen-year-old Malaysian girl tells him how her family sold her into indentured servitude when she was twelve for the princely sum of $480 USD so that they might buy an air conditioner, while she did the bidding of privileged, wealthy white men like himself.

Kelly is suddenly most concerned at the possibility that Sean might "make a fool out of himself." Wouldn't he feel the fool if he came back with champagne stains on his shirt and Brie bits stuck to his cheek?

Sean asks his masseuse, "Does my ass look as bony as it feels?" She obligingly peels back his towel and smacks him on the buttock. I have a feeling there was a lot more to this encounter than was captured on film, since southeast Asia is known for its trafficking in underage, undereducated, exploited female sex workers. But I don't want to be a downer. We'll all find out nine months from now on Too Hot for Survivor.

Once Sean is bathed and...uh..."refreshed," Jeff leads him through a living-room-looking area and tells him that "the captain won't be steering all night," like, who cares? Long story short, the person posing as the captain is Sean's dad, Jim. The two men embrace. Sean says, "Holy Toledo!" which was actually sort of cute and was clearly calculated to make us hate Dr. Stupid a little less. I grudgingly have to admit that it was nice to see a father and son so obviously and unabashedly affectionate with each other; Sean yells, "I love you!" without reservation and tells his dad, "You made my whole adventure!" Jim tells him how good he looks. Sean makes the bizarre statement that seeing his dad is "worth so much more than a million dollars," like, if that's true, what is Sean doing on this show at all? They hug some more; Sean kisses Jim on the cheek. As rhapsodic strings play a tender love song fit for a soft-porn love scene, Sean and Jim dip into the fifth bottle of wine and come up with remarks like, "[Sean]'s got a heart twice as big as his body" and "I would walk on hot coals, nails -- anything." Sean sort of dismissively says, "Yeah, me too," like, wrap it up, Dad, there's an underage Malaysian girl in the galley and she can't leave until tomorrow! Jim says, "Your dad is looped!" adding, "I'm so happy right now" as if there weren't a causal relationship there.

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