MONDO EXTRAS

Here comes the gross food challenge. There's alwaysa gross food challenge. Remember that Kelly said she'd eat anything? And then remember that Kelly flailed and lost the challenge for Boran? I remember that.

And I just knew it! Jessie's the next to go, and she takes her nasty chapped lips with her.

Lions then stalk Boran and it's real, okay? Then the tribes roll their spray-painted boulders, and Boran wins clean drinking water. On Day 8, Silas puts on a necklace, and Oldskool is annoyed by Playskool's immaturity. Silas tells us that unless the young people bond together, they'll be voted off one by one. He then says, "I'm not goin' out that way." No, not that way.

The Blair Witch has apparently stolen a camera and is filming a treemail investigation. The clue reveals the distress signal challenge, when Lindsey got dehydrated from kicking trees and Tom said my favorite quote. And because we should all get some joy out of this recap, I'll repeat it here: "We got a black man with white tighties on; got a big fat man with a flag wavin'; we got two little skinny men with flags runnin' around; woman in her thong there; we got a young lady shakin' bacon up there," and "if that don't stop the plane, I wanna talk to the pilot." I didn't memorize that. Really. Feather crackery and thong-runnage ensues. La la la!

Lindsey then thanks God, because Carl knows lots about teeth but little about Africa and loses the deadlocked Tribal Council tiebreaker. Maybe Lindsey doesn't thank God. Playskool takes control of Samburu, and you don't want to fuck with Lindsey. She then flies off the deep end. Or whatever weird assortment of words issue forth from Silas's mouth. And here comes Linda's rant about wanting to be "on the team." My husband made me fast-forward through this part because just contemplating watching it again was too painful for him. Linda then disses Lindsey's momma, but we find out here that she actually apologized to Lindsey for this. In a confessional, she seems earnestly contrite as she slaps herself and tells us it was a low and totally inappropriate thing to say. She says she apologized at the first opportunity. We see Linda approach a pouting Lindsey and say that her words were "totally uncalled for." Lindsey accepts this apology in a predictably ungracious manner, replying, "I would never say that about your kids." Linda then asks to be forgiven, and Lindsey forgives her. Aw. But not. I think this is all a giant ploy by Linda to get hugged. Linda keeps calling Lindsey "baby" and "honey" throughout their interaction. Lindsey blames the tense situation on the fact that Survivor is an emotional game, and then claims that Linda revealed a new, terrifying side of herself. So the two freak shows make up and head off for a challenge.