Survivor
Look Closer: Survivor Africa

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Clips Show or Freak Show?

I wonder if anyone will recap Martha Stewart: Home for the Holidays and, if so, how long it will take that recapper to poke his or her own eyes out with a hand-made Christmas tree ornament and then decoupage his or her ears shut.

An elephant mugs for the camera. Special! A monkey scratches himself. Highlight! Samburu bonds over piggybacking monkeys. Well, that is special. Bring on the piggybacking monkeys!

Day 6 brings a pep talk from Teresa. I believe that, when this episode aired, we were supposed to think Silas initiated this tribal conversation. Teresa laments the "tension and the friction" amongst the tribe members, and Silas insists that they're together. Brandon has been hearing differently, though, and he has "very perceptive ears." Carl points out that there are rumors about all of them being the next voted off. He then calls Brandon "Branford"; at first, we thought he called him "Brenda," which would have been a really mean thing to do since no one is as witchy as Brenda Walsh. Brandon matter-of-factly corrects him, and makes Carl look very bad. Teresa tells the others that they don't know what will happen down the road, but they know for sure they'll be picked off one by one if they don't win challenges. Silas talks and then makes a face at someone. Or maybe he grimaces. After all, he's only got two expressions.

Here comes the gross food challenge. There's alwaysa gross food challenge. Remember that Kelly said she'd eat anything? And then remember that Kelly flailed and lost the challenge for Boran? I remember that.

And I just knew it! Jessie's the next to go, and she takes her nasty chapped lips with her.

Lions then stalk Boran and it's real, okay? Then the tribes roll their spray-painted boulders, and Boran wins clean drinking water. On Day 8, Silas puts on a necklace, and Oldskool is annoyed by Playskool's immaturity. Silas tells us that unless the young people bond together, they'll be voted off one by one. He then says, "I'm not goin' out that way." No, not that way.

The Blair Witch has apparently stolen a camera and is filming a treemail investigation. The clue reveals the distress signal challenge, when Lindsey got dehydrated from kicking trees and Tom said my favorite quote. And because we should all get some joy out of this recap, I'll repeat it here: "We got a black man with white tighties on; got a big fat man with a flag wavin'; we got two little skinny men with flags runnin' around; woman in her thong there; we got a young lady shakin' bacon up there," and "if that don't stop the plane, I wanna talk to the pilot." I didn't memorize that. Really. Feather crackery and thong-runnage ensues. La la la!

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Survivor

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