Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 946 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Lusitania

Now that the contestants are all emotional wrecks, Probst explains the challenge. It's from Season 13, and is a bucket-filling challenge, except this time the contestants aren't blindfolded. The winner will fly to a "neighboring island" with his loved one where, Probst says, they "will experience the blowholes." LOL. I experience the blowholes every second I watch this show. Especially when Li'l Russell is on camera. Which is, basically, every second of this show. They also get burgers, sodas and a stupid phone to take shitty pictures with. Meanwhile, Melanie is already warming up and stretching her legs. She is a competitor! Probst calls go, and Li'l Russell is the first back with water, which he tosses on his wife. "GREAT CATCH!" Probst says. Oh my god, the Li'l Russell ass-kissery spreads to his family, too? Gross. Parvati's dad totally misses the water she throws at him, because he's probably too busy staring at her boobs or something horrible I don't want to think about anymore. Colby yells at his brother, like it's Reid's fault that Colby sucks at everything. As Uncle Fernando gets, like, three drops of water, Probst says it's "anybody's challenge." Not really. It's between Li'l Russell, and Jerri, from what I can tell. Colby yells at Reid again. Meanwhile, the wives squeeze water out of their hair and shirts. Colby yells at Reid again, and Probst feels sorry for him and hates Colby, so he tells Reid not to worry because "he's been that way for 34 days." Meanwhile, Sandra uses the power of bilingualness to her advantage, telling Uncle Fernando in Spanish to reach over with his bucket when Li'l Russell throws water at Melanie and try to get some of it. He does, but doesn't seem to get much water and feels like a douche about it, laughing nervously. Is he adopted? Surely he can't be related to Sandra by blood. And then he starts cheering for the team on the other side of him, telling Jerri that was a "good shot." Sandra rolls her eyes.

Survivor

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