Love Is In The Air, Rats Are Everywhere

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Snugglebunnies And Girls Who Don't Eat

The sun rises on Day 4, and we are at Ulong, where Jeff and Kim are snuggling in the smelly manner that so many of the young-n-sweaties seem to think is romantic. Stephenie wades into the water to cleanse herself in soapless futility as she voices over that she thinks Ulong did just the right thing in getting rid of Jolanda. She even thinks the tribe is in agreement on this point. Aw, unity! Nothing brings people together, after all, like the homey aroma of roasted scapegoat. Jeff and Kim stir, undoubtedly pondering whether it's too early in the relationship to reveal what their real morning breath is like, not yet aware that, at best, theirs will be a romance forged in filth for all eternity. James interviews that the tribe feels much less loaded down with bossiness now that it doesn't contain Jolanda. Which is...too bad, but true. "We're not going to follow a leader," he declares. And then there's an awesome cut to the entire team standing around on the beach, just about ready to start their day. And somebody says, "So what should we do?" And then they all stand there in a circle, looking at each other. It is silent. Ashlee looks at the sky, as if waiting for a shooting star, or a weather balloon, or a cyclone-flung cow. I get up and go make a phone call to send flowers to the editing team, and when I get back, everyone is still standing around. Finally, a male voice says, and I am quoting directly here, "Wake up first." Everyone agrees, which they communicate via the ancient tribal language of nodding. Good one! Okay, you're all awake, so you're done with that. Now what? The group appears to be stumped. Again! Already! This could be a long month for them. James emphasizes in his lying-in-a-tree-terview that because the team is made up of Americans (dammit), they're going to have a democracy, not a Jolandocracy. And they'll have a giant gap between rich and poor, and they'll consume much more than their share of natural resources. Take that, jungle! Nyah!

Ulong goes to pick up its treemail, which will be stumpmail this season, apparently. When they read the clue, it says, "Keep on your toes while making this run; your rivals will seek to spoil your fun; You'll too have the chance to spoil their mood; stay out of the water, and you may catch more food." I'm sorry, "You'll too have the chance"? Thanks, treemail-writers. The International Society Of Hari-Kari-Committing Copy Editors just called to thank you for providing material for the spring banquet. They occasionally lack motivation, but not this year. Angie reacts to the stumpmail by saying, I think, that she anticipates that the challenge will require them to "fight people," although I originally thought she said "bite people," which would have been awesome. I mean, that's a challenge they've never done, so...heads-up, challenge producers! Angie interviews that she's "not sure of [her] game plan," given that she knows she received votes at the last tribal council, so she's trying to be a "valuable asset." I feel so bad for saying this, but I would find Angie a more valuable asset if she hadn't picked quite such a teeny bathing suit. She is not fat, but this suit is like the Ultra White-Thigh Pointer-Outer. Not a good choice. Boy shorts, I would say, would have been the way to go. And...I'm thinking she's not waxing, and even that makes me uneasy, you know? Anyway, not that the modesty lies down with the tattoos all that often. ["Given that they had to start in the clothes on their backs, I'm betting that's not a bathing suit at all, but her bra and panties, so...yeah." -- Wing Chun] Angie works on sealing her own fate some more by claiming that she's likely to be up for elimination soon. And at this rate, she will be.

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