Survivor

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Losers Find A Way To Lose

Probst turns to Brendan, asking him if the group communicates as much as it should. Jerry immediately shakes his head no, although he himself has done a fine job of communicating to everyone that he's sick and a liability and needs to be sent home with a cheeseburger. Brendan thinks they communicate very well, which is easy for him to say since he's been in Exile most of the time, and Probst asks Jerry if he agrees. Jerry says no, and that if they had appointed one person to be in control and telling everyone what to do, things could have been different. Except that there was one person telling everyone what to do -- Erinn. You guys just decided to stop listening to her. Probst asks Jerry who he thinks should be the leader of Tempura. Cut to Douche, smiling in anticipation of hearing his name. Not so fast, Douche! Jerry suggests Brendan, much to both Brendan and Douche's horror. Probst knows exactly what to do now, and asks Douche if he agrees with Jerry's assessment. Of course he doesn't! Douche thinks he'd make a much better leader, saying he already assumed this role back in the beginning of the game when they were on the truck and he made eye contact with every teammate and told them "with my eyes," he actually claims in all seriousness, what to take off the truck. Before you start laughing, most of Tempura but especially Erinn, I went back and watched that episode, and sure enough, Douche was totally blinking in Morse code. Not only that, but if you pause it at the right part, you can also see psychic brainwaves shooting out of his eyeballs and into those of his teammates. You know, I hear he's the only conductor in the world who doesn't use a baton -- he wears those Coke bottle glasses that make his eyes look really big and the musicians look to those for guidance. Also, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Probst asks Erinn to explain one of the five awesome expressions she made during Douche's speech. Erinn says that Douche might be "used to" the role of leader, but Brendan does it better. Douche's frown at this is so epic that it gets its own musical flourish. Probst asks Douche for a rebuttal, and he says that he's "not criticizing" Brendan, but they've lost three challenges in a row under his supposed leadership and there's a "personality clash" between Douche and Erinn. Erinn didn't get any of Douche's eye messages around camp, apparently, as she says she was not aware of any personality clashes. All she knows is that Douche is always saying he has a great idea, but he never actually acts on them. Probst asks Erinn if she's saying that Douche is passive-aggressive. Probst hates Douche and knows that we all do, too, so we are all loving this moment. And then! Probst decides that Douche's problem isn't his passive-aggressiveness, but his ego, and asks Douche if he agrees. Of course Douche does not, claiming that he'd rather be an assistant coach than stroke his ego by being a head coach. Meanwhile the rest of the tribe except for Debbie laugh at him. If you're going to walk around making everyone call you Coach, I think that means you want to be a head coach. Otherwise, you'd tell them to call you Assistant Coach and I'd be calling you AssCo instead of Douche. So stop pretending that you don't want to lead this tribe into the ground. Douche says he was just saying why he was surprised when Erinn said Brendan was the leader and not him. Except that Jerry was the person who said it, Douche. Stop talking with your eyes and start listening with your ears.

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Survivor

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