Survivor

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Losers Find A Way To Lose

The losers find a way back to camp amongst shots of various snakes and spiders. Douche's Seagaltail is back in full effect and now has two braids, so it's looking extra silly. Hairdresser Erinn must hate that thing when she isn't laughing at it. Anyway, Douche is still sore about Tempura's humiliating defeat. He tells us that his post-challenge scream was really a "primal yell" because he just couldn't keep his rage inside. Debbie feels bad about her performance and says so, causing Douche to primally roll his eyes. Debbie says she was screaming as loud as she could, but no one could hear her. Before everyone can figure out that Douche should have been the one doing the calling, he says they shouldn't point fingers or blame others for the loss. I like how his example of that is "Erinn really screwed up today," as if anyone except him would be saying that. He says the worst thing they can do right now is talk behind each other's backs about who did what wrong in the challenge.

Cut to Tyson and Douche hanging out by the waterfront. Now that they're behind everyone's back, all Douche needs is a gentle prod from Tyson and he's off pointing fingers and blaming everyone for the loss except himself. He says Sierra "panicked" during the challenge and started screaming. She did scream, but it was to ask Debbie if they all had to fill their buckets. It was more of a "request for information" than it was a "panic." Douche doesn't know who's worse -- Erinn or Sierra. Is he watching a different show than I am or something? Because it looked to me like Debbie was probably the worst performer in that challenge, along with Douche himself who should have volunteered to be the caller but didn't because he was afraid it could make him look bad. Douche says he wants Erinn out ASAP. Tyson interviews that Douche is a true coach: "he's not always the best at what he's coaching but he thinks he knows the most." Tyson nods along as Douche talks and talks and talks about their alliance's next brilliant move to vote Erinn out. And then ... and THEN! Douche appoints Tyson his "assistant coach." Does Douche think Tyson will be flattered by that? Does he think that people don't want to be equals and that we all bow down to the superiority of Douche and are just thrilled to be in his presence? That might be true of Stephen, but certainly not Tyson, who laughs about his new Assistant Douche title in an interview. Douche makes sure that Tyson sees things exactly like he does (or at least, Tyson says he does) and they wander back to camp. Tyson interviews that everyone knows that Douche has a "schoolboy crush" on him and he's hoping a promotion to co-Douche is in his future. And if Tyson and Douche wind up on separate tribes, then Tyson will demand that his new team call him Douche as well. The best thing about all of this is that you know that Douche has absolutely no idea that Tyson secretly thinks he's a talentless buffoon, and probably still doesn't even as he's watching the evidence on his TV screen.

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Survivor

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