Man Down

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Quarterback, Sneak

The next morning, Day 4, a couple of very cheerful crocodiles swim about at Yaxha, accompanied by Disney-like music that suggests that one of them is about to start talking in the voice of, say, John Lithgow. Doesn't happen. The Nakum-bashing is going on in earnest as Jamie comments that he figured Nakum would be "a powerhouse," but apparently they weren't, judging by challenge they've now lost. Steph comments that Nakum doesn't seem to be having "fun," and Brian agrees that they aren't "buddy-buddy." I don't think they're exactly being fair to Nakum. They need a little time. It's hard to make small talk, after all, with someone who's bent over a tree trunk retching half a gallon of water and a haul of partially digested food onto the ground. ("My family's from New Jersey, and I used to raise potbellied pigs. Hey, is that corn? When was there corn? I didn't get any corn.") Steph tells the group that she suspects Bobby Jon of being the culprit. "He's so damn serious," she chuckles. Serious about hitting himself in the head, anyway, and how much more serious can you get than that?

Brianna says that now that it's Day 4, she can say that the people on her tribe "all have different qualities." And it's that kind of incisive character analysis that's going to take her far. Some are tall! Some are short! Some have bumps in some places, and some have bumps in other places! Jamie goes on to agree with her in an interview about the "diverse" nature of the tribe. "We've got a bum," he says, pointing to himself, "we got a police officer, we got a magician's assistant, we got a fishmonger, we got a gay guy, and we got a landscaper." Apparently, Rafe is gay for a living, and Stephenie ("Former Winner"), Brian ("Somewhat Overcranked Ivy Leaguer") and Brianna ("Sells Something, But We Don't Know What") didn't make the cut, diversity-wise. Any time you forget to throw the Ivy Leaguer into your One Of Everything rant, you're really missing the boat. Hasn't he ever heard of "jail to Yale"? "Clown to Brown"? "Pen to Penn"? Okay, I made up the last one. Okay, the last two. But the first one, a guy I knew used to use to describe himself and his eleven brothers. And because I once loved him madly, you know he wasn't the one who went to Yale, if you know what I mean. Wait, what were we talking about?

Someone asks Gary whether he's cold, and he says, "No, but a tarantula jumped on my arm." Thanks for the non sequitur, there, Gary. (In upcoming Gary banter: "Can you loan me a dollar?" "No, but I'm not wearing any socks.") This leads awkwardly into a Gary voice-over in which he explains again that he is hiding his NFL-ness from the tribe. "Nobody's asked me what I did fifteen years ago," he says. "So...I guess I don't have to tell 'em." You know what I think Gary did in the NFL? Black ops.

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