Survivor
Man Down

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Quarterback, Sneak

Possibly animatronic snake.

And now, in the Chicks Just Love To Groom Each Other segment, Steph takes a shot at braiding Morgan's hair, which is a big improvement from the way people usually express affection to Morgan -- by sawing her in half and stuffing her into boxes with her legs folded up under her rib cage. Steph explains to us that it's "a fun camp life," and that it's very different from her past experiences on Palau's Team Sucks-a-Lot. She says that the fact that the team gets along will really help them out. In fact, they're "like a family," provided that the family has known each other for four days and intends to eliminate each other one by one over the next month using deceit and trickery. And that none of them is showering.

Over at Nakum, which I already almost forgot was supposed to be the "better" camp for reasons I couldn't quite explain, Judd returns to the team with some treemail, as Farmer Brandon looks at him suspiciously. Farmer Brandon does a lot of suspicious peering, you will notice. I'm fairly sure someone once told him he looks hot when he's questioning someone else's intentions. Cindy reads the stupid poem, which tells them that they're "caught in a web of hardship" (gack) and clearly implies that winning will allow them to eat. Blake explains to us that he really wasn't in the mood for any challenge-announcing treemail yet, because so far, he's still not breathing very well after all the spikes and the barfing of last week. He gives us a nice butt shot as he leans over to catch his breath, but it's spoiled by the giant flowered print on the shorts he's wearing. I think I saw that print in a past life when I designed shower curtains for JC Penney in 1952, back when tropical-chic was all the rage and pineapple slices were the height of exotic cuisine, especially when combined with maraschino cherries. Margaret comments that she's "really, really worried about Blake," because he hasn't been able to recover from the injury yet, and the constant shortness of breath is of special concern. She mops his forehead for him and encourages him to breathe.

Farmer Brandon looks out from under the brim of the hat he mistakenly thinks makes him look like Indiana Jones and thinks to himself, "I should beat that guy up now, while he's weak, because if he's ever healthy, there's a much greater risk that he will fight back." In an interview, Farmer Brandon announces that Blake can't "handle it," which makes me really wish that Farmer Brandon had taken the spikes to the shoulder, not that I didn't kind of wish that already. "I'm more one of those, like, a tougher guy, which, you know, you're hurtin' and everything, but you've just gotta man up." You know, I can go along with "man up," or at least something less dorky than "man up," when people are just lying around. But when somebody has been injured by something you have no experience with as to whether it has any kind of poisons in it and he's not able to breathe, I have to think you might reserve judgment a little bit and not diagnose him with a terminal case of What A Weenie just because you were lucky enough not to get a bunch of spikes embedded in your flesh. Also, "man up"? Pretty big talk for a guy who didn't get out of the opening gates without falling on his ass.

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Survivor

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