Survivor
Me And My Snake

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On Lying Down With Snakes

Previously on I Only Have Eyes For Hubris: Rupert had a passionate affair with Morgan while Drake was away on business, but he was thinking about Drake the whole time. Morgan -- fresh off its immunity-challenge victory and treated to some of Rupert's liberally administered expertise -- began to thrive unexpectedly. They bagged the reward challenge, thanks to the poor performance of Drake's steering committee, and they wound up with a shower and the personal hygiene products to go with it. Hey, anything that diminishes the stink. At the immunity challenge, Darrah bested Sandra at a liquefied-fish suckdown, and Drake sent a basically harmless Michelle home to seek revenge on buff jerks everywhere. At tribal council, Jeff tried to goad Drake into owning up to the stupidity of the decision to throw the checkerboard immunity challenge, but Drake remained convinced that it was all good. Well, except for Rupert, who of course remained convinced that as in all other cases, they should have listened to him more.

Credits. You know, even seeing Jon in the credits is enough to make me want to hit someone. Preferably him, but honestly, if you were here, I would take you instead. You look a little squirrelly yourself.

Commercials. When you and your significant other are making up from arguments via text messaging because you're too busy to talk on the phone, I think you have bigger problems than your wireless plan. Just saying.

Drake, night fifteen, after tribal council. A snake slithers across the sand, generously acting as the episode's officially-sanctioned mascot. Because it's about snakes, got me? Snakes! "I thought Michelle left with a lot of class," Trish says as Drake collectively tends the fire. "She did; she's a very good girl," Rupert says. Wow, "a good girl"? Thanks, Daddy! Can I pick the fish bits out of your beard now? Baby's hungry! "And it's too bad she's not on our tribe anymore," he adds, even though he voted for her instead of, say, Shawn. In an interview, Rupert says, "My first tribal council sucked." He goes on to whine about how pissed off and tired he was, and how he didn't want to be there. Unlike everyone else, who is always happy to go to tribal council and ties little silver jingle bells to their feet just to celebrate. Around the Drake fire, Trish makes note of Jeff's directness with regard to the questions he was asking them. She doesn't, however, turn to Jon and say, "Dude, Jeff hates your gangly ass," and I really wish she had. Now Rupert -- having talked about the rest of the tribe like they're so dumb that they can't be trusted to wipe their own noses (which, in the case of throwing the challenge, is true) -- engages in a little ass-covering by apologizing to anyone who was offended. He meant "dumb-ass idiot losers" in the nicest way. It's awesome how you can totally see through Rupert's skirt as he stands in front of the fire. It's like a little Céline Dion video, right here in the middle of the Pearl Islands.

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Survivor

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