Survivor
Me And My Snake

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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On Lying Down With Snakes

In an interview, Rupert says that his tribe still doesn't understand that it gave Morgan momentum by throwing that first immunity challenge. Of course, unless Drake is planning on throwing another challenge, I'm not sure what the importance is of getting them to agree on this point, but...that's Rupert for you. Agree with him about everything or be cast into the sea to die and rot with the rest of the traitors.

Later, Rupert has a deep conversation with the little snake that he adopted last week and named Balboa, in which he complains that instead of writing Michelle's name, he wished he'd written Shawn's. The snake has nothing to add. It's just kind of wheezing and writing its will. Or so I imagine.

"For a while," Rupert muses in an interview, "everybody knew that a Drake was going to win this." Apparently misreading situations is not something that is exclusive to non-Rupert members of Drake. "Now," he says with truly hilarious gravity, "there is question." It's awesome how he fancies himself such a strategist when he's so ignorant of the basic tenets of Survivor that he clearly has no clue that which tribe is stronger in the first three or four weeks is not at all predictive of which tribe the eventual winner will come from. He's now twice made this claim that after the first nine days, it was obvious that a member of Drake was going to win, and it's just a dumb-ass comment, game-wise. Plus, he's starting to talk a little too much like a Magic 8-Ball. Rupert, will a Drake member win? "NOW THERE IS QUESTION."

On the morning of day sixteen, Rupert goes to check on Balboa, whom he's been keeping in a little cloth bag. This sounded like questionable medical care to me, but our resident snake expert on the forums assures us all that it meets the standard of care. Apparently, burlap bags are the hospital beds of the snake kingdom, except without the crank and the TV attached to the ceiling. Who knew? I always learn something with this show, and occasionally, it doesn't even involve how much I hate myself. At any rate, Balboa was apparently beyond saving when Rupert found him, because he has shuffled off this mortal coil (heh, Rare Non-Dirty Snake Pun Alert!) overnight. "This morning, I went and checked on Balboa," Rupert interviews sadly. "He was dead." Now when I saw this, it did kind of seem weird to me, because...well, I adore my pets as much as anyone, but he did only meet the snake yesterday, after all. And I'll admit that I am probably prejudiced against snakes as opposed to, say, dogs, because snakes don't do tricks. (Oh, don't email me. Your snake cannot either read out loud.) But I have known some people in my life who are extremely quick to attach to all manner of stray animals, so I suppose Rupert is probably just one of those people. It's generally an endearing quality. "I'm so sorry, buddy," he says to Balboa's withered body. "It's a hard world." Okay, that was a little bit funny, even though I feel bad for him. Even if I feel compassion for snakes, I would never think to give them advice about the ways of the world when they were alive, let alone after they were dead.

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Survivor

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