Medical Emergency

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Intestine Your Limits

The doc goes and tells Shane that he's unable to rule out appendicitis, so they've got to take Bruce now. And, the medic claims, he needs Shane and Courtney to carry the stretcher. Which: not likely. I'm thinking that, in a pinch, there are enough people to carry the stretcher without Shane. Shane asks, "Do we need to do this right this second?" And it's such an asshole comment, except that I think he's asking because he's naked, and he wonders whether he can get changed, or something. The medic says yes, and Shane apologizes for being naked, turning to give the aside that he can't sleep in his pants, because they're wet. And I think he's trying to dry out that diaper rash that Cirie diagnosed on his balls last week. The Gladiator-type music starts, as they roll Bruce onto the stretcher. Bruce moans. The medic, Courtney, Shane, and another guy carry Bruce out to the boat to be evacuated. Shane leans over and kisses Bruce's forehead. "See you in a minute, Brucie," he says. Shane tells us that he hopes Bruce can come back and finish his own way. He says that having to quit would be hard on Bruce, because he's lived such a "big, beautiful, ginormous life." I kind of liked Shane at that moment, I admit. He's still an ass, but this is his less assy side. I think he's recognizing a real quality in Bruce, who prides himself on doing all these exciting things, and who doesn't really want to say, "I had to leave Survivor because I was constipated." Shane remains optimistic: "I really hope Bruce gets to come back," he says.

Exile Island. Day 26. Terry tells us again about his back, and the target, and Casaya being after him. I feel like I have seen this sequence four hundred times, give or take a hundred. He says that participating in the challenge was a waste of his time, but he did enjoy the part where he got to watch the members of Casaya beat each other up. Terry also says that being sent here gives him time to think about strategy. I'm not sure what "strategy" is open to him right now, other than "Win Immunity, Dammit."

Back at Casaya, Courtney is wondering how Bruce is doing. She describes how seeing Bruce carted off "was like the icing and the cherry and the hot fudge on top of my pretty poo-poo day." Aside from the insanely mixed metaphors that explicitly mix cherries, fudge, poo-poo, and Bruce's medical emergency, I think Courtney could probably stand not to make his health entirely about ruining her day. Shane asks Courtney whether, if he needed her vote, she would trust him and stay with him: "I can't have the obsessive-compulsive, you-overthinking part." She says that it's not easy for her to commit to agreeing to whatever he says, but that she would "like to be on [his] backside." No, that's what she says. "And I would like you to be on mine," she adds. Dirty! Courtney promises that they're "on the same page." Shane goes on to tell her that if she doesn't do what she's supposed to do, "[he'll] kill [her] when [he gets] back to Hollywood." Courtney chuckles. "I will. I'll drive up, and I'll kill you in your shitty little apartment. And I'll drive over to my club, and that will be it." Now, if it were me, I would immediately tell him that I don't find death threats amusing and that he needs to knock it off, but Courtney takes offense as follows: "That was really nice. I don't have a shitty apartment!" Oh, my God. So brilliant. "I will kill you in your shitty apartment." "My apartment isn't shitty!" Shane goes on to rail at Courtney for actually getting offended, when it's obvious that he's not claiming to know whether her apartment is actually shitty or not. "Don't take everything so personal [sic]!" he bellows, and she tells him that he's obnoxious, and he screeches that he's not obnoxious. Shane then interviews that Courtney's crazy, she's a "bunny-boiler," she's "so scary" and so forth. And she's perfect to take to F2, because everyone hates her. This would be an F2 so hard for certain members of the tribe that I almost hope it happens. Just to hurt and upset, say, Aras.

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