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The Sweet Taste Of Crow

Commercials. If I see one more thing about Trista and Ryan's wedding, I am going to shove a pink parasol tied with a pink ribbon down a pink flamingo's throat. While listening to the music of...well, you know.

The S.S. Reap-And-Sow carries a jubilant Burton and Jon across the water. Burton has his arms up to hang onto the top of the boat. I'm thinking those pits are stinky. While they're on the boat, Burton explains that he and Jon agreed ahead of time that they would take each other if they won reward, because they're tired of going on rewards with people they "don't like that much." Burton is happy to be going on a reward with someone he likes. He means Jon, y'all. Jon. They make their way across the water, chests flailing, accompanied by Jeff. Hmm. Jeff doesn't usually go on reward challenges. Jon interviews how "cool" it was that Burton picked him to "share along the experience[sic]," because it was a great opportunity for the two of them to step away from the game and just enjoy what great guys they are without having to think about strategy. Jon says that they just didn't feel the need to "overly worry." Yeah, totally. The ball will still be there tomorrow -- it's not like you need to keep your eye on it.

Melodic voices holler on the soundtrack as they approach Panama City. The boat docks, and the Fellas and Jeff disembark and head up the dock. Burton helpfully interviews that when they got to the parking lot next to the pier, they saw what he refers to as a "brand spankin' new" GMC Envoy. The [Special] Envoy: Your Choice For Negotiating The Roads. (That's mine, GMC suits. Steal it and face my wrath.) I'm not a big fan of the Special Envoy, really, but after they gave away the weird-ass Pontiac in the first season, things could hardly get worse. The Special Envoy, in case you're wondering, is one of those SUV menaces to society that are always blocking my view when I'm trying to pull out of parking spaces. I tell you, pretty soon, you're going to have to drive a Humvee just to avoid being crushed like a soda can in the event of a rolling collision in a parking lot. Anyway, a grinning Jeff hands over the keys and tells Burton that the Special Envoy is his to keep. Jon congratulates Burton, because he's an awesome sport, of course. Burton smugly interviews how great it was to get the Special Envoy, and I find that I kind of want to punch him, even though he won it fair and square. ["And then some, in my opinion, since it looked to the conspiracy theorist in me that the producers who set up the reward challenge buried Burton's keys way deeper in the sand than was the case for the other contestants." -- Wing Chun] Of course, unlike Sandra, I don't follow every petty, vengeful instinct that I have, so I won't actually punch him. Jeff proceeds to do a short commercial for the Envoy, explaining how it's got built-in camping facilities in the back and such. Burton very spontaneously interviews that this will be great for his chosen hobbies of camping, snowboarding, and skiing! His new Envoy would be a steal at twice the price! It gets better mileage than any tank in the Army! Jeff tells the Fellas that there's a map inside the Special Envoy that will lead them to the ruins where they will spend the night. They have to look for the red and yellow flag, and then...oh, never mind. That's the show I wish I were watching.

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