Survivor
My Mom Is Going To Kill Me!

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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My Mom Is Going To Kill Me!

Credits. James's chest should be the whole credit sequence, is what I think.

We return to find Fei Long, the tribe of non-suck, on Day 4. James pushes a tree down. If I may Chicken for a moment: DAYUM! Various folks work around camp, and then we visit Jean-Robert, who is snoozing in the shelter. This is your lazybones moment, and I'll repeat, as I often do, that I don't like it when they're judgmental about sleeping, because the guy is asleep, and if you don't want him to be asleep, go wake him up. He's not being a dick by not being awake yet, and some people do naturally sleep longer than others and can't help it. However, it quickly develops that the real problem is that as soon as he gets out of bed, he goes right back, even while everyone else keeps working. That one's a problem. At the same time, I'm mostly mesmerized by watching James break tree trunks with his bare hands, about which I am actually not lying. I'm saying: tree trunks. Snoring like a vacuum cleaner isn't helping J-R's cause, either, by the way. There's nothing like working your ass off while literally listening to someone else snoring.

My favorite part here is that a monkey lies down in a tree, and they actually start putting up the captioning before they cut over to the discussion between Amanda and Todd, meaning that for a minute, it appears that they are implying that the monkey is saying, "We should have the strongest players..." But it's just Amanda, who's working on forming an alliance with Todd that looks kind of like neither of them cares about it; they just feel like they're supposed to form an alliance with someone, so that's what they're doing. It's the way I imagine Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens started dating, if you assume that they are, in fact, dating. Amanda says that Todd is devious, but she formed an alliance with him anyway. She then whispers and giggles with Todd about how they're playing similarly, doing lots of work because Generic Aaron the Putative Leader has decided he likes hard workers. Todd and Amanda then agree that they should bring Aaron into their alliance so that they can set him up to take the blame for anything they do that other people don't like. They have a talk with Aaron about this, and after looking around to see if anyone else is there, it looks like he agrees to this alliance. I am calling it the Blue Shorts Alliance for the moment, since Todd and Aaron are wearing the same snug blue shorts, which, as the EEFPs pointed out, appear to have been given to some of the guys who perhaps didn't turn out to have any underwear without Daffy Duck on it or whatever. Todd interviews that the game belongs to him and Amanda, especially now that they're with Aaron. Yep. You're on a team of eight -- three people in your alliance ought to do it!

Aaron now holds a team meeting in which the group tries to find a diplomatic way of speaking to J-R about his crap work ethic, but J-R derails their good intentions when his response to the idea that they need to make a plan for camp is to suggest, "Why don't we all just...rest." It's kind of unintentionally really funny, the way Leslie puts her head down, like, "Way to not get it, meat." Aaron, for once, actually says what he thinks about someone needing to help out more at camp, which is shocking and never happens, since usually, people would rather sit around feeling resentful and retain it as something they can complain about than actually solve the problem. Aaron is a freak! He calmly informs J-R that J-R is not doing his share of the work and needs to do more. J-R weakly replies that he's just not getting enough sleep, and once they have food and water, he'll be a better contributor. This, of course, is unwise under my oft-stated rule that it's a bad idea to whine about how bad your situation is when you're speaking solely to people who are in exactly the same position. Leslie interviews that J-R isn't succeeding in directing attention away from his suckage; they're not fooled at all. The highlight of the meeting is that while J-R is talking, James clearly catches someone's eye and gives a kind of "the hell?" shrug, like, "I've buried guys while they were still making more sense than this." In an interview, J-R essentially says that he's a "bad boy" in poker, and he's trying to do the same in Survivor. Aside from the fact that poker and Survivor are not the same thing, a bad boy in Survivor is someone more like...well, Mariano, honestly. Lying around on your ass isn't being a bad boy; this is being a punk-ass, which is not the same thing. J-R's argument is that he's going to start out being horrible, so that it will look more dramatic when he starts pitching in later. In other words, "My plan is to appear worthless, because later, it will really make for a nice contrast."

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