Survivor
Notable Jury Speeches (Besides Rats-And-Snakes)

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3 USERS: B-
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My Question Is This

The runner-up in this category is Guatemala's Judd, man, who still wanted everybody to get eaten by crocodiles, man, and who started off with a weird question about skating and ended up lashing out at Stephenie for eating too much. We're guessing he's still mad, too.

Sarge (Vanuatu)
"My question is: I suck." (See also: Lisi)

A close relative of the "you suck" question, which often comes from jury groupthink where everybody decides to gang up on a particular person (see above, re: Katie), is the jury question that comes kind of from...nowhere, and it makes the person asking it look completely ridiculous, because it does nothing but make the suckage of the questioner extra-clear.

One very good example is Vanuatu's Sarge, who had already made it very clear that he was sure that Twila had damned her son to hell by swearing on his life that she'd stick with Sarge and then not doing it. Apparently, Sarge's God operates an enormous poker game of the soul, in which you can bet with other people's chips, offering their souls for sacrifice should you make an error yourself. This theory, I have to say, is completely awesome. Who wouldn't like to believe that if you want to offer a sacrifice to God, you can pick whoever you want, and if you mess up, that person goes to hell? I hereby swear on Sarge's life that I will not go to Starbucks tomorrow. Will he go to hell? I guess he'll have to see, won't he?

Sarge opened with some kind words about the fact that he was an honorable and upstanding person, and he therefore wanted Twila to know that he wouldn't even want to speak to her if he saw her walking down the street. And then he asked her whether one million dollars was the "price tag to cast [her] son's name straight to hell." He followed up by declaring that if his mother had done the same, he would instruct his mother to kiss his ass. (God: "Good one!") Sarge threw in an absolutely bizarre knife-twist by telling Twila that even though he thought she was a morally reprehensible person, he was going to vote for her, because he thought she needed the money more. It turned out that this was Sarge's little trick to test Chris and see if they'd still be friends. And not a very crafty trick, either.

Between the outright goofiness of Sarge's "your son will now go to hell" theory, his explanation of the precise circumstances under which he would tell his mother to go fuck herself, and his insistence that he knew Twila's son wouldn't forgive her even if she didn't, Sarge is the "I suck" champion. But a close second would be Fiji's Lisi, who used her jury question as an opportunity to quiz "Dreamz" about how many zeroes are in a million, apparently hoping to catch the less-educated former street kid in a mathematical error. She did prove a point, though maybe not the one she intended: she proved that before attempting to embarrass someone else about knowing how many zeroes are in a million, it's important to make sure you know how many zeroes are in a million.

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Survivor

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