Notable Jury Speeches (Besides Rats-And-Snakes)

Episode Report Card
My Question Is This

Alex (Fiji)

Alex wasn't just a lawyer. There's nothing wrong with lawyers, honest. But Alex was the kind of lawyer who believed that certain kinds of behaviors are expected of lawyers, and he didn't want to disappoint. Thus, Alex decided that he would personify every terrible stereotype of the Great Big Jerk Attorney, and he further decided that the best object for his rage would be...Cassandra. The great, powerful, malevolent, and deeply in need of a head-butt Cassandra. Sure, she seemed like a nice, passive, harmless lady who simply played a steady game to get to the end, but Alex knew deep in his heart that she was an undiscovered bad person, and he made it his goal to out her as such.

The problem Alex had was that Cassandra refused to answer his questions in quite the way he wanted her to. Attorneys know that you don't ask witnesses questions if you don't know what they're going to say, but either Alex thought Cassandra was going to say "You know, Alex, I am a bad person, and I appreciate the flogging and would like some more," or he didn't much think about it at all. Because his approach was to get all the way through his question, all the way up to the "?" part, and then not really let her answer. Because his question was based on a misunderstanding of what happened (he was basically asking her why she didn't feel bad about voting against someone she didn't vote against to begin with), she tried to explain the problem with his premise, at which point he told her to stop talking, saying, "I get to talk!" See, she was apparently misled by that pesky "?" into thinking he wanted her to say some stuff -- STUPID CASSANDRA. When she told him that she thought maybe she should be allowed to answer the question, he yelled, "You are mistaken! You are mistaken!" Cassandra passed up her best available line, which was "I'm mistaken? You're mistaken! THIS WHOLE TRIBAL COUNCIL IS MISTAKEN!" Instead, she sat there until the crazypants was finished.

The highlight came when Alex left Cassandra an opening to talk again, and she started to answer the question again, and he said, "STOP TALKING! Is that not clear to you that I said STOP TALKING? Maybe I should say it in Spanish! Edgardo, you want to translate?" The problem with this was that...okay, Cassandra didn't speak Spanish, but Alex did. And Edgardo did. So apparently, Alex's theory was that if Cassandra didn't understand him telling her in English, she might understand if he told Edgardo in Spanish and Edgardo told her in English. As a slam, it doesn't even make any logical sense. Among other things, I can tell you right now that nothing in the entire season ever became more comprehensible after being explained by Edgardo, who was not a genius.

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