Now The Battle Really Begins

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
All For One And One For The Road

Wait, isn't this pirate music taking us back to camp after the challenge? Because if Rupert shows up, I'm going to sue someone for intentional infliction of emotional distress, and I'm not kidding. The newly merged tribe comes back to camp with a surprisingly upbeat attitude, as Scout continues to have her arm all around Twila and such. Chris tells us that this day is the first time he's decided to put the game aside for a while and have some fun. In other news of fun-having, Scout is still ecstatically sighing, at least metaphorically: "I just missed Twila deep down in places I can't talk about," she says, trying her hardest to provide double-entendre recapping material. But honestly, it's like it's too easy. Twila doesn't say whether she missed Scout in the Places That Dare Not Speak Their Names, but Scout insists that "reunions are always a happy moment." She's apparently never had to recap one.

Eliza explains in a voice-over that the new tribe returned to camp to find the traditional merge feast waiting, including what's left of yesterday's cake. Heh, Sarge's stomach will be so pleased. Oh, and, happily, they have plenty of wine. Because when you're desperate and your contestants are boring, you might as well turn to boozing. The tribe drinks a toast, and then a poached Sarge interviews that the place is "off the chain" at this point. Off the chain? Is Sarge mixing up parts of the trailer hitch and substituting "chain" for "hook," or is that a thing? Because it would really make me sad if Sarge were more current than I am. ["Sorry, dude; it is a real expression. But I only know that from editing Real World recaps." -- Wing Chun] He slurs that "everybody's just so happy." And, of course, drunk. He is also extraordinarily happy about the coffee, and soon helps himself to some. Chad cautions him about the caffeine buzz he's about to bring about, but Sarge just fills his cup. As Rory and Sarge stand around talking, Rory interviews that he's just so darn happy to be back with the guys he didn't get along with, because he didn't get along with the women even more, basically. He tells us that he never expected to make it out of Yasur. He tells Sarge, too, that he's tired of "female conversations," whatever that means. Those are all about tampon commercials, probably. He then tells Sarge that Ami is a bad seed. Sarge does not seem entirely surprised. Chris, meanwhile, is talking up Chad to Ami, telling her what a great guy Chad is. And, probably, how nice he is if you screw up and say something about the leg.

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