Survivor
Old And New Bonds

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Oh, What a Tangled Web They Weave
and he looks like Rasputin as we cut to a commercial zoomed in on his plotty face.

I can take snake shots; I can even take running Rich shots; but the fat stream of ants swarming across the log really disturbs me. We've seen this twice now, and each time I think the log is moving because there are so many damn ants. I had to rewind and fast forward to figure out what it was, and then I had to rewind and fast forward again, not because I like looking at disgusting things, but because -- well, there's really no good reason. Idiot Seanvant checks the mail, and he's really lost weight; he's all six-pack now. He plucks a big piece of wood from the mailbox, on which is written a clue. He tells us he loves getting the mail. Probably because he's good at it. I'll break my rule just this once and recite the poem for two reasons; it's short, and it makes absolutely no sense: "If you can make like a monkey then you'll be home free. If you want a barbeque for lunch, then go climb a tree." Did anyone else notice that there's absolutely no tree climbing or monkey-like activity involved in this challenge? As the tribe struts down the beach, we see shots of a raised rope course that looks like a spider web. Colleen acts happy and surprised to see Just Peachy, because now that Greg's gone, he's the next viable target for her feminine wiles. When she fawns on Peachy, Rich looks back at her like, "Are you kidding me?"

As he leads them to their reward, Peachy instructs the castaways to "listen to your stomach," at which point I thank God their stomachs aren't miked. He picks the lid off a grill to reveal steaks, shish kabobs, hot dogs, and various other American BBQ foods, which the winning contestant will get to eat. He then adds that the prize also includes a love letter from home, with Jenna's "on top." Of course, he'll wait until after she wins the challenge to reveal that her letter contains blank sheets of paper because her mother forgot to write something on them. As the castaways hover around the grill, Sean says, "I'm thinkin,' 'How am I gonna get my grubby little hands on some of them burgers?'" Talking Rudy Doll chuckles and growls, "I'm prepared to eat rice tonight. Heh! Like every night." Jenna tells us she can always eat rice, but she has yet to hear from her children. For no particular reason, Rich announces, "No offense, Jeff, but if I win, you're gonna go hungry, bud. Because I'm not sharin'." The camera angle is skewed here to make Rich look particularly crazed. But Jeff doesn't care anyway because the Pulau Tiga All Inclusive Resort's All-You-Care-To-Eat Buffet is open twenty-four hours a day.

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Survivor

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