Panama – Exile Island: A Closer Look

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
This Is Your Clip Show

Shane tells the unhappy Fireside Casayans that he thinks Aras should be their leader. Aras thinks that's a swell idea, as he explains in an interview. No one else is heard to comment. Now that is some real leadership!

We now revisit the Day 8 conflict over "Shane's Thinking Seat." It's really just as weird and dumb as it was the first time, and Cirie's growing realization that these nimrods may just eat each other is still pretty awesome.

Later, in a New Scene, we watch Casaya discuss the lack of food. Cirie explains to the camera that they've had nothing to eat today at all: "Whatever is the next five levels up from hungry? That's what we are." The group descends on a snake slithering along the ground. Aras grabs the machete and finishes off the snake. We then get footage of the skinned snake roasting over the fire. Courtney is once again the Queen Of Animal Symbolism, explaining that snakes are often taken to represent transformation and healing. She thinks they should eat it only if they're going to "take in the snake energy." Cirie says in an interview that if Cirie wants to engage in bullshit of this nature, Cirie herself is happy to help if it means staying with the group. The group chomps down on the snake as Courtney thanks it for giving its life. I really do have a thing about not talking to my food as if it were alive. My favorite part of Courtney's attitude here is that if you eat something that has magical symbolism, you're apparently supposed to feel worse than if you eat something that is just itself. Like, "Don't eat that eagle! It represents truth! Eat the pigeon!" And the pigeon's all, "What do you represent, asshole? If you're going to eat something in anger, how about 'gangsta Hollywood'?"

We remember the incredibly awesome wrestling challenge. Oh, wrestling challenge. How I miss you already. La Mina lost; Misty went home. Misty interviews that she was shocked to be the first to go from her tribe. Misty should have done less idol-related scheming and substantially more predicting of her own ouster.

In what we are told is a New Scene at Casaya, although it has Old Scene vibes, Shane frets about leaving his son. It turns out that it is Shane's son's thirteenth birthday, and Shane is feeling like he shouldn't have left. In fact, he's crying about the fact that he shouldn't have left. I really think that if he had a cigarette, he wouldn't care. Shane tells us next that his son's name is Boston, which explains why he has "Boston" tattooed on his boob. Well, it doesn't really explain it, but it is Shane's reason; we'll put it that way. Also, "Boston Powers." That is Shane's son's name. As if he doesn't have enough of an uphill battle as it is. Shane tells us: "I was twenty-one when I had him." Yeah, baby! (Because Boston Powers never hears that joke.) I'm sure that will come as a surprise to Boston's mother that Shane "had him" at twenty-one or any other age. He's a medical miracle, I tell you. Shane also explains that this experience, here on Day 9, has made him realize what's important, and that he's learned about himself. Mostly how awesome he is, no doubt. Later, Courtney gives Shane a bucking-up that he doesn't deserve about how he's a good dad, and that you can tell because of the tattoo. No, she really does basically say that. "I'm not the best dad in the world," Shane disagrees. "I'm the best dad in the world...for him." Eh. Less temper explosion. Shane and Courtney agree that they'll sing Boston "Happy Birthday" out here in the wilderness. Apparently, the show was willing to get the rights from the estate of Mildred and Patty Hill ("It took two people to write that song?"). The post-singing interviews indicate that people found this to be a bonding experience; I can only pay attention to the fact that it is probably the worst, least tuneful rendition of "Happy Birthday" I have ever heard, and that is saying a lot. I don't think Mildred and Patty Hill even own the copyright if you're going to sing it like that. John Cage, maybe.

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