Pandora’s Box

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | 43 USERS: A-
Quitters Never Win
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Galang. Day 7. They are having the weirdest conversation, all about Tyson's cupcake belt. He's wearing a belt with a cupcake belt buckle. He bought it at a gas station. I can't tell if they are all being like ten levels of sarcastic or if this is a serious conversation. I think Tina is taking it at face value and Tyson and Aras are putting her on. I don't know. Colton, with his amazing ability to not read the room, blurts out that they need to start thinking about who to sit out at challenges strategically and everyone just laughs and is like, "Seriously? We just woke up. Chill." Here's one thing about Colton (and there will be many in this recap): he's so self-centered and narcissistic that he doesn't listen to what other people are saying because he's up in his own head, thinking. And then he gets upset when everyone is on a different topic. Because Colton thinks he is the best, so what he's thinking is the best, so why isn't everyone else thinking the same thing or at least listening to Colton the Genius and his thoughts? That's how I imagine his train of thought goes. Meanwhile, everyone on his tribe clearly hates him and he hasn't figured it out yet.

Colton goes and sits by himself and stares at the water as he voice-overs that he's frustrated that no one wants to talk strategy because that's his favorite part of the game. For someone who is such a superfan. Colton clearly doesn't understand strategy. Strategy doesn't just mean, "Let's figure out who to vote out first" or "Let's stir up some shit so the heat is off me and on another person" although those two things are part of it. Strategy is also, "How do I fit in with this group, contribute to the overall well-being of my tribe, and seem as non-threatening as possible so that they don't vote me out?" Or instead of non-threatening, seem invaluable. Or band together for an alliance that has enough numbers to protect you with people you trust. I mean, there is SO MUCH to the strategy on this game, and Colton understands like a third of it.

Colton asks Aras if he's in trouble, and Aras tells him honestly that he is, but also that this game changes all of the time, minute to minute, so Colton shouldn't get too upset. Aras interviews that Colton doesn't understand the game and he's shooting himself in the foot and poisoning the tribe (to mix a metaphor). Aras's advice to Colton is to meditate or some yoga shit, as if Colton has ever unclenched in his whole life. Colton just wants Aras to give him a second chance, and Aras doesn't want to lie, so they're at an impasse. Colton realizes that he's totally screwed and will probably be voted out the first time his tribe goes to Tribal Council.

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