Panicked, Desperate, Thirsty As Hell

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
The Removal Of Rudy

Anyway, this balancing maneuver helps Chapera to wedge the boat against the platform and get it up and out of the water to be flipped. They do this exceptionally well -- they manage to get themselves distributed perfectly so that they can get the boat flipped and back into the water without the back end's dropping in, which I think is the tough part. Mogo Mogo comes down somewhere in between the Saboga and Chapera performances, because they flip the boat with less water than Saboga, but a lot more than Chapera.

Saboga, on the other hand, is sucking wind. Ethan is sitting inside the boat, and why he believes you can raise a boat up while sitting in it is not entirely clear to me, but anyway. His team eventually orders him out of the boat. Then, you can actually see, during a shot of their trying to get the boat flipped, that Ethan grabs one of the bailing buckets and flings it behind him away from the platform into the ocean, all, "Well, we won't be needing this!" Way to go, genius.

Chapera, meanwhile, starts paddling. Wooooo! I really didn't start out to root for anyone, but I have to say, the buffoon tribe has stolen my heart. Mogo Mogo continues bailing. Ethan notices that his tribe needs the bailing bucket for, you know, bailing, and he dives in dramatically after it. Finally, Mogo Mogo starts moving, though as Hatch gets in the boat from behind, it appears that he absolutely pounds his blurred region against the back edge of the boat when he stumbles, and...that looked painful. Seriously, seriously painful. Although I'm sure he would assure you that he did it on purpose, and it's all part of his strategy to manipulate everyone. Those testicle bruises are just decorative. ["Here's a question for the lads out there: when you're competing in physically demanding activity, don't you kind of want your junk to be insulated? Like, if not in an actual jockstrap and cup, at least in a pair of fairly snug briefs? I'm just asking, because it really seems like Hatch is inviting disaster by allowing his action to just flap in the breeze, or water, or path of errant oars, or what-have-you." -- Wing Chun] As they start moving, they're already only a couple of inches up out of the water, so they're in some trouble that Chapera, for instance, just isn't in. Chapera, in fact, is in such good shape that they have time to concentrate on coordinating the paddling -- and who takes the role of paddling coordinator? Sue Hawk. "One! Twoooo!" she yells. It's weird, because Saboga does seem at this point to have the boat mostly bailed, so it seems like if they would just chill out and get in the boat, they'd be fine. However, once they get on their way, they realize that they are without all their paddles, so Ethan has to go back. Hatch falls out of the Mogo Mogo boat, to a holler from Jeff of "Hatch takes a dump!" Hee. I hope not. Give a hoot, naked man, and don't pollute.

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