Survivor
Pearl Islands Reunion

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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More On Morons

Jeff asks Sandra what it was like to watch the competition with her friends, and she says -- not unreasonably -- that the biggest embarrassment was seeing herself flake out on all the water challenges. It has not escaped Sandra's attention that she tends to look rather drowned-rat-like when she starts to get wet, which might lend a little more credence to Jon's original accusations of aquatic ineptitude than she wanted to grant at the time. She says that in an effort to save face, she always tried to distract her friends during those parts of the show. Heh. That's just what I do when old videotapes of my adolescent theatrical career resurface. ("Hey, there you are in that ugly blue dress!" "Um...look outside the window! A unicorn!") She emphasizes that she can swim in swimming pools -- but that swimming pools turned out to be quite different from swimming in the ocean. The formidable Osten -- who learned everything he knows about gritty determination from Randy "Getting Tackled Is Scary" Moss -- agrees. This makes Jeff laugh, which is by far the best response Osten will be getting from Probst all evening.

Next, Jeff asks about the fish-dropping incident, and the fact that Sandra allowed Christa to take the blame for it. He asks Christa whether there was any fallout from that. Christa says in her spacey way that there was no problem, which appears to mean that Christa has forgotten it now in the woozy haze of all the good times she's had since the show, some of which she appears to have had about ten minutes before coming on stage, if you get my point. "It's cool now, she's still my buddy," Christa says with a moronic grin. It never ceases to amaze and amuse me the way people on these things always pretend not to be angry after the fact, because they think it makes them look better. They are very wrong. I would respect Christa much more if she at least had the self-respect to imply that she didn't appreciate it when she first found out.

Now, Jeff turns his attention to the jury in general to inquire as to why they voted for Sandra. And to whom does he go for the jury's general opinion? To Rupert, of course. Because Rupert is the representation of all things jury. And all things Survivor, and all things good, and all things pirate, and all things so irritating that you can barely look at them without driving a nail into your eardrum for relief. "I voted Sandra just because she played the game so hard," says the King Of All Things. He allows that he and Sandra were friends, but insists that his real reasoning was that "that girl played hard." He claims that Sandra never let anyone see her playing. "And she was playing us all," he adds meaningfully. Oooooh. That was deep. I need to think about it for a minute until I can process Rupert's wisdom. Okay, I'm done.

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Survivor

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