Survivor
Pearl Islands Reunion

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More On Morons

Now, Jeff turns to Ryan-O for a discussion of my least favorite issue of all -- Scoutgate, or, Whether Lill Was Obligated To Be More Honest Because Of The Uniform. Ah, yes. The issue with all the moral resonance of a set of Congressional hearings. Ryan-O, like the rest of them, has no concept of how to make himself come off well in the face of defeat. He complains that, indeed, he feels that if Lill was going to wear the uniform, she should have been entirely honest and forthright. Instead, she lied, and she got him and Andrew booted (not that they didn't get her booted first), and darn it, Ryan-O just didn't think that was right. "But you lied," Jeff counters. "Yeah, I lie all the time," Ryan-O says, reminding everyone that in terms of intellect, he is pretty. Lill and Ryan-O exchange a little hand-grab here, which is a little bit endearing, in its strange way. A frustrated Jeff -- who sees that Ryan-O is closer to feeling guilty for lying himself than to recognizing the stupidity of anyone's feeling bad about lying in and of itself -- foolishly turns to Andrew for an assist: "Savage, why...?" Jeff loses his place inside his own head and starts over: "It's a game. Why, because she's a scoutmaster in real life and Ryan-O's an electrician, why is it okay for him to lie, and it's not for her?" Andrew -- as full as ever of that bland superiority that makes him just about intolerable to listen to for more than fifteen seconds -- explains that, in his opinion, the game just brings out what's already in your personality anyway. You know, the way that he, because he's a self-righteous ass in real life, was an extra-super-self-righteous ass when it came time to play the game. It's...really quite a speech. "Ryan-O is an electrician," Andrew sniffs. "He didn't have a scout uniform on, so he can lie as much as he wants." To its credit, the audience laughs at the sheer stupidity of this remark. Does Andrew even hear himself when he spouts this kind of nonsense? Does he understand that other people do hear him? Please, Andrew. Listen to yourself. And then stop talking, before it's too late.

Jeff casts around for anyone who hasn't completely lost his or her mind and therefore still remembers that one might, in theory, be able to separate being a scoutmaster at home from playing a game on an island. He also wisely mentions in passing that Lill may have been a scoutmaster, but that a number of other people are parents in their day-to-day lives, so Lill's obligation to act as a role model can hardly be considered any greater than that of anyone who has children of his own (uh, Andrew) whose moral development is his responsibility. If Andrew can tell his kids that in normal circumstances, he wouldn't lie and plot against people, Lill can presumably explain the same things to her scouts. A brave Trish hops right in on Lill's behalf to similar effect, saying that she thinks you can totally separate home life and island life, and she thinks the idea that you have to play Survivor like a scout just because you're a scout at home is completely preposterous. She adds that she thinks Lill played a great game, that it's impossible to play without doing some lying, and that Lill did probably try to be as nice as she could within the boundaries of trying to win: "I don't think it's really fair to say that she was wearing a scout uniform, so therefore she should let herself get kicked out." Word. Jeff gives props to Lill's own comment at the final tribal council to the effect that you either play the game, or you get sent home. It's a fine point to be directed at the whiners who had trouble throughout the season with other people's playing the game, which whiners shall remain nameless because they are Rupert.

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