Perilous Scramble

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Cirie Takes A Stand

There's not that much to say about this challenge, except that Cirie isn't quite as agile as her teammates, and they do get a little vigorous throwing her around, to the point where the hold that valiant swimsuit has on her breasts appears to be tenuous, indeed. For a while, the teams are even, but at one point, the Aras/Shane/Cirie team gets tangled up in the ropes, and they have an outrageously difficult time figuring out how to get untangled. Meanwhile, Terry, Chiclets, and Courtney start to pull well ahead. Terry dives to retrieve the first bag. Chiclets goes for the second one. Courtney goes for the third. Cirie, Aras, and Shane are still tangled. Courtney, Chiclets and Terry head back. "Get your asses out of that water!" Jeff yells at Cirie, Shane, and Aras. He is so strict! He's like an angry nun, with more naughty words and a less coherent moral structure. And they finally do move said asses out of the water, but it's way beyond too late by that point. Shane almost dashes his bones to smithereens himself a number of times while he's running across the lily pad part, because he is not exactly light on his feet. I am sort of envisioning him texting his business partner to say, "Ow!" Terry, Chiclets, and Courtney win easily, and they will be enjoying a delicious barbecue. Terry will personally kill a ceremonial hog! Not really. But he could.

Now, Terry and company have to send someone to Exile Island. Terry wants to send Aras, on the basis that he's the biggest threat and would be weakened for the immunity challenge if they sent him. Chiclets and Courtney don't want to take a stand because it can't really benefit them. They defer to Terry, and Terry does, indeed, send Aras to Exile Island. "More beans for us, Cirie," Shane mutters. When Cirie and Shane are gone, Jeff announces that they will compete for another challenge. And what is it? It's using a slingshot to shoot marbles at ceramic tiles. And what is it for? The car. Because Terry is the luckiest fuck in the history of ever, and it only stands to reason that he would get to do the car challenge against only two people, neither of whom is as likely to have quite as much experience shooting at things as he does, what with how he's a fighter pilot. I swear, they could not hand more stuff to this guy if he were a presenter at the Golden Globes. Why even bother recapping the challenge? Of course Terry wins the GMC Yukon. Of course he does. And he only has to compete against two people, just like he only had to compete against two people in one of his famous immunity victories, and just like he had to compete against no people last week, because there happened to be a medical evacuation. Snore.

Exile Island. Day 29. Aras is doing yoga. Triangle! I recognize it, because I can remember the ones that are named after things they look like, rather than moody animals. Aras tells us that he's sure Terry has the idol, so he's not going to bother looking for it. He says that the stay is "unnecessary in terms of the positives." In other words, "Booo-ring. Booo-ring. Going into exile is booo-ring." I hear deposed dictators often feel the same way.

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