Shawn -- desperately hunting for new ways to shoot himself in the foot -- wanders up the beach and starts giving Rupert grief about sitting at the sewing machine. "Whatcha makin'?" he snots in his smarmy fashion. "A new dress," Rupert growls. "Ooh, sexy sexy," Shawn smugly smirks. Christa looks on as Rupert ignores Shawn's efforts to annoy him. "When you're done, I have some pants that need hemming," Shawn says. Christa analyzes the situation: "Burton and Shawn never leave Rupert alone about his skirt. I mean, don't keep talking about something that keeps bothering somebody." Of course, any teacher of eight-year-olds could tell you that the best way for Rupert to get them to stop it would be to stop reacting to it, but if you believe my theory that what Rupert wants more than anything is lots and lots and lots of attention, you know that this will never happen. As Rupert settles into his new skirt -- complete with more rearrangement of his body parts than I really needed to see -- he maintains that it feels great and is very comfortable. He closes with a conspicuous crotch-grab. It's not even just a grab of the crotch, either. It's sort of...a comforting pat. He loves it. Nice.
Next, the members of Drake takes a look at their final treasure-chest clue, aware that they should now have everything they need to track it down. They read the usual badly written verse on the final clue and take off with their shovel and key. Sandra voices over that she's hoping for candy and canned fruit and juice. "Anything but rice," she says with dread. Jon adds his usual note of class: "We talk about the treasure, we dream about the treasure, we fantasize about the treasure...I've had more wet dreams about that treasure than any girl in Playboy." Makes sense, really. At least with the treasure chest, he's got a shot at getting in.
There is some hassling and digging as they try to follow the map, and eventually, Shawn and Michelle track down what they think is the "devil's fork" they're supposed to use as a landmark, which appears to be a big tree. They dig a little, and quickly ascertain that they've indeed located the chest. Because he is the only one who is ever allowed to be right about anything, Rupert immediately disbelieves them. "Show me the devil's fork!" he says contemptuously. They do. He's like, "Oh." And then he gives Shawn his due, returning the attention to himself by hollering as loudly as he can that Shawn is "a god." The group digs at the ground around the chest, as everyone talks about what they hope is in it. "Barbecued potato chips!" Trish yells. "Eight pair of pants," says one of the guys. "Bacon cheeseburgers!" yells someone, who I believe is Michelle. Idiot. What are the odds that a buried treasure chest has freakin' bacon cheeseburgers in it? Potato chips, maybe. Pants, maybe. Bacon cheeseburgers? Yeah, thanks, nimrod. Trish gets things back on track by yelling, "New underpants!" God, totally. Now there is something to root for. But finding themselves unable to get the chest out of the ground, the tribe eventually just decides to open the lid, leaving it where it is. "Finally, it popped open," Sandra interviews. "And, oh my God...a stench so awful, it smelled like death." Oh no, it's Andrew's sexy cologne from home! Okay, not really. Drake removes its booty from the trunk (hey, isn't that a new dance craze?), and the tribe discovers that everything has gotten wet and is moldy. The only thing in the trunk that seems to be in serviceable shape is a jar of wrapped chocolates. ["Ferrero Rochers, if I'm not mistaken." -- Wing Chun] Shawn interviews that, had there been no chocolates, the team would have "ripped each other's heads off" from frustration. We see them happily pass around the chocolates right there by the treasure chest, although honestly, they don't look so good, either. I wouldn't eat anything from that trunk that wasn't hermetically sealed, I don't think.