Survivor
Pick A Castaway…Any Castaway

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Burton's Plan Is All Wet

Anyway, Seething Probst was the highlight of my week.

Jeff asks Michelle about friendships, and she insists that "everybody's a friend," which is obviously enormous bullshit, because if that were true, she wouldn't be friends with Shawn and Burton and their anti-Christa crusade. I don't like her one bit. She blathers about the affection she has with everyone, bleh blee blah. Jeff returns to the topic of the immunity challenge, which was so physical and for which they sat out Rupert and Burton. He asks Christa whether it was really just rotation, and she keeps up the steady stream of crap that has characterized this tribal council session by saying that indeed it was just rotation; everyone wants a chance to compete, after all. Jeff cuts right to the point and asks Burton whether it's a double-edged sword being successful, because although you're not losing members of your tribe, you can't get rid of them either. Burton returns to the theme that I suspect is actually closest to his heart by saying that this is true; it's nice to win, but you can't "control the game" if you can't vote people off. Of course, some people would say that you are "controlling the game" by winning challenges and keeping your tribe intact, but I think Burton is looking for a more ego-feeding version of "controlling the game."

Jeff turns back to Jon, whom he more than obviously hates with the fire of a thousand suns: "Jon, self-proclaimed 'good strategist,' what are you basing your vote on tonight?" Jon keeps grinning. "Whatever the astrological signs tell me to do," he says. See, that's exactly what I mean when I say that you have to come to tribal council capable of participating. He's basically drunk enough that he can't really take part in this conversation, and that's what's pissing off the host. Still angry about the drunk thing, Jeff doesn't like this answer, either. He looks at Jon, dripping with contempt. "Is that a respectful way to treat somebody that you've lived with for twelve days?" See, he doesn't really care about respectful treatment of other people -- he's seen disrespect for teammates before -- but he's obviously genuinely angry. Anyway, Jon's smug response is "Maybe, maybe not." Wow. Good one, genius. You sure showed him.

Jeff sends them off to vote. There is voting. Unsurprisingly, we see Christa vote for Burton and Burton vote for Christa. We also see Jon showboating like a drunken fool on his way to and from the voting booth. Seriously? Worst. Survivor. Ever. ["I never thought I'd hate any Survivor contestant more than I hated Robb, so I kind of admire the producers for finding and casting the equally loathsome Jon." -- Wing Chun]

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Survivor

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